Fly Trapped in a Jar

Yes, so

2010-08-18T23:31:00.001+01:00

I've abandoned this blog. I'm sure I'll come back to it at some point. But Wordpress is so much prettier...
If there's anyone out there who only reads this blog, and does not follow me on Twitter or listens to one of my many podcasts, I'm now in charge of a fully-functioning podcast network. This one, in fact. All my free time goes into that site and the shows and content we've been producing. I urge anyone reading to give them a go. Podcasts aren't as scary as they sound, you know.
So we started with the one podcast, which was based around film & TV, but other things kept slipping in. So Art Crap and Vidjagames! were born, I bet you can guess what they're about, right? And my cousin's drawing a webcomic series which will also be hosted on pleasetellme.net. I hear webcomics are all the rage nowadays.
Anyway. It's been fun. Visit the site, enjoy it and tell your friends. See ya.

Pete

2010-05-11T22:49:00.003+01:00

This music is piercing my skin. I lie half-awake in the corner of a dingy night club in a foreign country. The bass shakes my limbs. The rising tempo quickens my heart. I feel helpless and alive.
Jeremy said this place was good. I turn my head to the left, I see people like me, people not relaxed, but stewing. Stewing in this mass of noise and bodies. They appear less panicked than I feel. I want to stand, but everything's so heavy. I remember the phone call I made to my sister this morning. I came here to get away from the emotion, but in this place everything is bigger than life.

"Carmen. She said her name was Carmen. I'll never forgive her."

"Good. Does it help, to talk?"

"No. I want to leave."

"Leave."

Pete leaves. He doesn't go back. He takes the same road home he always does. There are sheep on the road, he pushes the horn and they scurry through the hedge. He almost forgets to continue driving, the solitude of country roads make time seem meaningless. He fights back tears, and accelerates.

He pulls into the driveway, hears the gravel crunch under the tyres. He parks, and exits the vehicle. He sees a pale figure at the end of the lawn. The figure isn't there. Nobody is. Nobody comes this far out of town, especially this late at night. Pete blinks. The figure remains.
"Hello?" he asks.
The figure doesn't respond. Doesn't move even. A strange glow surrounds the figure. The car's lights go out. Although there are no other sources of light, no lights on in the house, an empty sky, the figure is still visible.
"Hello?" Pete asks, again, "Can you hear me?"
The figure turns. The figure is Pete.
"Hello?" Pete asks, "Can you hear me?"
Pete doesn't know how to respond.
"What..?"
"What..?"
Pete rushes to the door, scared, and grasps his keys, fumbling with the lock. Pete watches. Pete is inside, now. He slams the door and reaches in the dark for the light switch. The room is illuminated. Pete is sitting at the table. He sees Pete enter in a hurry, and smiles.
"Hello Pete. Welcome home. Dinner's on."
Pete sees Pete sitting at the table. He notices the table is laid for four. Pete is standing over the oven. Pete flushes the toilet upstairs. Pete stands frozen.
"Pete?"
Pete stutters. He drops to his knees.
"Pete? Are you okay?"
He mumbles and shakes.
"Pete. Are you okay?"
He lays down. His breathing slowly returns to normal.
"Pete?"
"Yes Pete?"
"Am I.. dead?"
"No Pete. I'm not dead."
"No. I can see that. Am I dead though?"
"No Pete. I'm not dead."
Pete is upstairs. He gets into bed.
Pete stands up. "I'm tired. Can I have a glass of milk?"
Pete gets Pete a glass of milk from the fridge, hands it to him.
Pete takes a sip. "Thank you, Pete."
"No worries, Pete. Pete's just made your bed up in the guest room, if that's okay with you?"
"Cheers Pete. Goodnight."
Pete climbs the stairs. Pete watches on. Pete feels the soft carpet under his bare feet, brushes open the door in the dark, feels around for the bed, and climbs in.
"Night Pete."

Carmen

2010-05-11T01:20:00.001+01:00

click.
"Hi.. Jenny?"
"Pete, is that you?"
"Yeah."
a pause.
"What's up?"
"I… I'm sorry for not calling."
"That's fine. What's up?"
"It's Lucy. She's.. gone."
"The lesbian?"
"Don't call her that."
"She left her wife for you. Her wife. She was married to a woman. That doesn't mean anything to you?"
"She's… she told me her new girlfriend is called Carmen."
"Carmen, what kind of a stupid name is that?"
"I really don't know. I just don't feel myself now she's gone."
"Weren't you only together for a couple of months?"
"Three months. And… eight days, I think."
"Brother, you're sad."
"I know."
a pause.
"I need to tell you something."
"What?"
"I'm Carmen."
"You're what?"
"Carmen."
a pause.
Pete hangs up the receiver.

"I don't give a fuck what he thinks about politics! He's an artist!"

2010-05-07T10:06:00.002+01:00

We decided to be a part of history, and this is what happened.

Please tell me you're human episode 0.5: Election Special

What the hell is that creepy laugh? dammit. Something's afoot. Welcome to episode 0.5 of Please Tell Me You're Human this time featuring all three hosts Ben, Jack and Story! Tonight we're covering Channel 4's alternative election coverage. How original. After Jack's drunken mother sabotages the first three attempts, the show gets off to a slightly garbled start, with a bit of swearing and impatience.

Our heroes soon tire of the election coverage however, and drift off subject. We learn Charlie Brooker's real name, how annoying Edwina Currie really is, and just how tasty Disaronno is too. We then delve into the murky depths of Story's political tastes. Good old Tory Story did indeed vote Conservative, just because he wanted to be different and edgy. He has a rant. We might make ranting a prominent feature. Dictators don't deliver on their promises? Genius. And then Story slags off the immense power of Facebook and then denies being a, well, profanity. He also determines the percentage of the population who are in fact the same profanity. After a slight hiccup, we're back, trying to harmonise. We soon realise this is a bad idea. Ben lets us know his stance on politics, (Lib Dems!) although he believes firmly in the Socialist/Trade Union party. He also voted for our Green Party councillor and explains the voting process to Story. We also discuss the merits of ticking or crossing your ballot paper. We then dissect Jimmy Carr, who is pretty average when you think about it. We also realise the futility of making a live report on a live report on a podcast. Nick Griffin appears, but then disappears soon. We don't get the funny funny joke. We mention Twitter. Ben gains 60 years for about two seconds. We check the BBC's coverage and determine it is much more useful. Ben explains some more politics. 326 seats or something. Story is sarcastic. Jack demands a political standpoint. Although he didn't vote, because he's too disorganised and is in France at the time of recording. We also discuss the merits of a hung parliament: happy peace and nice, yeah? We're either going German or going Greek. Scary stuff. Story shows his general apathy. Ben's TV breaks, and none of us can see the coverage any more. Oh well. Story reveals that politics is the ONLY area in which he is not a master. Jack reveals an interest in gay rights, and Ben does something shocking. Story considers covering It's Raining Men. We compare ourselves to Doctor Who. Ben is moving in his chair. We.. don't know why. Story laments; he has no furniture. We discuss our general dislike of coffee.

Stuff happens. Hopefully this'll give you a taste.

I'll get back to proper blogging soon. This podcast is taking up all my time, and I'm loving it. By the way, I made a blog for that, too. http://pleasepodcastme.tumblr.com

Lounge

2010-05-05T21:42:00.002+01:00

A woman who looks like she enjoys running face-first into brick walls holds the hand of a slicked-back schmoozer, fingertips at her waist, caressing, enticing her towards the plate glass doors of John Lennon airport's VIP lounge.
He teases and beckons, whispering lies and perfect half-truths, and she's loving it. She feels special.
He feels empty.
This is the fourth time for him. Second for her.
They both know what's coming to them in the dark corners of the lounge.
As they spill into the room, they stand frozen, all eyes upon them. They hear barely disguised laughter, jibes and hushed voices.
Heads down, they head to the man's reserved alcove.
She unbuttons his shirt. He undoes her bra.
She stops. Silence.

then--
   "What?" he asks, eyes wide

   "You're wearing a vest?"

   She leaves.
   He stays.

"Please tell me you're talking to a human being..."

2010-05-04T12:33:00.002+01:00

So we decided (or I decided) to finally actually try recording a podcast test last night, and it turned into over an hour's worth of rambling. Although the audio setup took me bloody ages to work out, I'm pretty impressed with the results. If anyone wants to give this a serious go, get in touch! (Although Ben, we're going to work on these when I get back from France next week!)
This took 1hr 30 to record, and three hours to edit. Damn... we do sound a bit less thick though.

Please Tell Me... test #1
2010: A Podcast Odyssey featuring Jack and Story

We discuss podcasting, Kick Ass, Iron Man 2, Doctor Who, Twitter and Tweets, Perez and Paris Hilton, sex noises, Emoticons, Story offends Asia, Blogging, Star Wars and "literally killing small children", Indiana Jones, sound systems, sleeping your way to wealth, comic books, Firefly, BEING REJECTED BY SOCIETY, Watchmen being a proper book, Sci-Fi, Avatar, 90210, soaps, macs being better than PCs, food, sore earphones, the opposite of comfort, pop shields, the Logitech vs. Apple debate, Sony and China, Fallout and the end of the world, Terminator, 2001: A Space Odyssey for a very long time, House of Sand and Fog, then back to 2001, then Story does a quick explanation of the film, then Wayne calls, then back to 2001, ascension, seeing things in the dark, "space is just infinite", noise in space, wrapping up, Wayne gets confused, what're we gonna call this?, 2010: a podcast odyssey LAME, "please tell me you're talking to a human being". I dunno. Make your own mind up.

If you could listen to this, I'd like feedback. Obviously more focus would be nice. But yeah. Help. Thanks.

I kinda find I like a life this lonely

2010-04-30T14:18:00.000+01:00

Guys! I failed the audition spectacularly. Forgot my lines, mumbled a lot, and actually tripped over at one point. It was shocking. Perhaps more shocking, The Manchester College told us that they'd fallen out with Manchester University, who were previously funding the place and presenting the diplomas at the end of the course. So, after being kicked out of Manchester Uni, College ran over to Leeds Metropolitan University and now, I would have been awarded a nice shiny piece of paper signed by them. Which, let's face it, is a step down from Manchester University. (I'm not denying that I'm probably not cut out for the Acting in Media course over there. It's probably a very good course. Just not for me. [Or anyone who ever wants a job ever.]) Oh, and everyone else did really grand, pompous Shakespeare speeches. I'm a fool for trying to find a character which would reveal something about my life, personality, whatever. There were some shockingly bad actors there, and I can't really say much because I forgot my lines. There were also some semi-decent actors there, who were all called back for a little interview at the end. And I'm not going to mention equal opportunities or anything, but...

And then there's this Radio Production And Media Studies course over at Chester University, Warrington campus. And as I'm interested in all this audio editing, live broadcasting and podcast stuff (although I've never actually done any of it), this course seems much, much more interesting and stuff. Stop typing stuff.

Pretty much since failing the audition (they didn't tell me on the day that I'd failed. I knew.) I've been doing pretty much nothing. Work have given me a free three-week paid holiday (not just me. all the staff. I just wanted to make it sound better.) so I'm going to TRY and buy a decent microphone and actually do something with all the spare time.

I'm going to do a review of an album soon. Be warned. This album has inspired me since I first heard it. Probably about four and a half years ago, I think. How To Destroy A Relationship by The Servant. Somehow, it's one of the few shiny albums that I haven't yet forced down my friends' throats.

I'm going to get my hair cut. I'm going to try something new and different. But I'll probably end up with the same hair again. Then I'm off to Glasgow with @OiCecil and @boojamin to see trendy band Crystal Antlers. Don't ask.

Tuesday

2010-04-16T17:24:00.043+01:00

Although I'm likely to be sued for this blog post (I'm guessing somewhere in the £200,000 region), this is the extract from Chatroom which I will be auditioning with on Tuesday. Oh yeah! I'm going to Manchester, got an audition at Manchester college on Acting for Theatre, Television and Radio (sounds awful) and an open day at Manchester Metropolitan on Wednesday.

aha. I do not claim any ownership of this text blah and blah.
Jim is a troubled teenager who pretty much wants to kill himself, and goes to an online chatroom for some support. After some funny exchanges, a dude called William tries to convice Jim to kill himself. Laura is a girl who tried to kill herself a while ago, and has been trying to put Jim off the whole idea. Because, let's face it, it's pretty silly. This bit is basically William shouting at Laura near the end of the play. You'll be able to grasp the rest.

WILLIAM: You've tried to kill yourself before, but chickened out, haven't you? You think I'm going to allow Jim to be lectured by some whinging coward like you? Some New Age, happy-clappy princess? Jim's got real problems.
You're one of those sad girls who hangs out in suicide chatrooms. Who sits there like some black hole. All silent and dumb and soaking up the sad stories. Wallowing in other peoples' pain. What statement are you making, bitch? You talk about a life of possibilities, choice, love, happiness... but I bet you'd like nothing more than a bunch of sad, morose fifteen-year-olds draining on about their pathetic lives. Well, why not support those who want to kill themselves? Why not allow them to do it? They're like the front line, aren't they? The public face of our gloom, printed in the papers and shown on the telly! They need our support to do the brave thing - do the decent thing. To get rid of the chaff and make a true revolutionary teenager! So do the decent thing, you worthless cow! Next time, don't cry out to Mummy and Daddy! Just do it!

mhm, it's probably not long enough, but with enough dramatic pauses I'm sure I can make it work. The play is by Enda Walsh, and is an okay read (although at 38 pages and full of printing errors, I think £9 is a little cheeky).

My second monologue (I should have learnt these months ago. The audition is in three days.) comes from Much Ado About Nothing. I only found it tonight, so wish me good luck.

BENEDICK: O, she misused me past the endurance of a block! An oak but with one green leaf on it would have answered her; my very visor began to assume life and scold with her. She told me, not thinking I had been myself, that I was the Prince's jester, that I was duller than a great thaw; huddling jest upon jest with such impossible conveyance upon me that I stood like a man at a mark, with a whole army shooting at me. She speaks poniards, and every word stabs. If her breath were as terrible as her terminations, there were no living near her; she would infect the North Star. I would not marry her though she were endowed with all that Adam had left him before he transgressed. She would have made Hercules have turned spit, yea, and have cleft his club to make the fire too. Come, talk not of her. You shall find her the infernal Ate in good apparel. I would to God some scholar would conjure her, for certainly, while she is here, a man may live as quiet in hell as in a sanctuary; and people sin upon purpose, because they would go thither; so indeed all disquiet, horror, and perturbation follows her.
Will your Grace command me and service to the world's end? I will go on the slightest errand now to the Antipodes that you can devise to send me on: I will fetch you a tooth-picker now from the furtherest inch of Asia: bring you the length of Prester John's foot: fetch you a hair off the great Cham's beard: do you any embassage to the Pigmies, rather than hold three words conference with this Harpy: you have no employment for me?

This is also slightly too short, but whatever...
Thanks for any Shakespeare recommendations, and I swear I really did try acting some of them, but I chose this as it's not quite as grand as other pieces (and here I'm talking specifically about the St. Crispin's Day speech) and it's comedyish and all that. yeah.

And we'll all float on alright

2010-04-04T18:42:00.000+01:00

This was an amazing gig, back in December. We were standing right in front of where this guy's filming from, and you can't see any of us in the video! Ah well. This is one of the only songs where the crowd actually moved about a bit. It was really chilled until they played this, which was followed by Shit Luck. We started a mosh pit. How young and trendy are we?

Punchdrunk Lovesick Singalong

2010-03-30T18:20:00.005+01:00

I lost count how many times I've edited this post. I've been ill.
Firstly, relationships. Let's get this one out of the way. This is some dialogue from The Squid And The Whale, a film which makes me feel pretty lucky to have married parents.

Sophie: [about The Metamorphosis, by Franz Kafka] Yeah. I mean, it's gross when he turns into the bug, but I love how matter of fact everything is.

Walt: Yeah, it's very Kafkaesque.

Sophie: [She looks at him oddly and laughs] 'Cause it's written by Franz Kafka.

Walt: Right. I mean, clearly.

I love this. I burst out laughing. Unfortunately, I'm sleeping with someone who just doesn't get jokes about literature. Another example in a recent episode of Shameless, which he made me watch (it's actually alright), two of the chav teenagers get kidnapped by a drug dealer crazy woman, and she makes a little joke, "Sorry for going all Papa Fritzl on you." which I, of course, being the media-savvy evil bastard that I am, found this pretty funny too. He laughed when a character tripped up in a later scene. What the hell am I doing? I don't want to sound like an arrogant prick. Because, I do sound like an arrogant prick. I don't have anything in common with this guy. As I sort of outlined in a previous post, I want someone who is fucking intelligent. O, Carlisle.

I'm sounded very elitist and superior and that. Ah well. Need to learn to say no, sometimes.

Secondly, crying. I have never cried for this guy. I have for John, Jonny, and even Chris. But this guy, none of that. I just want rid of him. He makes me happy, yes, but I get bored. I should stay single until uni. He won't read this, but he deserves to. He hasn't done anything wrong, he's just not right. Wait. I was meant to be writing about crying. Crying. I cried at House Of Sand And Fog last night. It was very, very upsetting. I'm not sure where the love of depressing films comes from. Watching something that you know will upset you being ultimately rewarding? I don't get it. I did really, really enjoy it though. Odd. Nothing much happens in the film. Then, suicide, prison and depression. Works a charm.

I'm still on crying, here: I think the last time I posted was on a Sunday. The following day, I bumped into Chris, the plain boring dude I'd been with for over a year. This was August 2008 to October 2009, on and off. I'm still not over him. I have no idea why. There are literally no good things about this guy. He's just so meh. We arranged to meet up on the Tuesday of that week. I'd convinced myself we'd be getting back together. He stood me up. I was slightly devastated. I have since realised that I was being a complete fool, so that's all fine. Around 7PM on the day he'd stood me up, it slowly dawned on me that I was being stood up. I had Sigur Rós on the iPod, Viðrar vel til loftárása (just found out this means "Good weather for an airstrike" in Icelandic) (and the video is pretty amazing) and I was going to make myself a cup of tea to cheer up. As I was standing up from this horrible desk, I went to grab my phone without thinking. When I realised how pathetic I was being, I burst out crying. It feels good. I've also cried at two Phillip Reeve books (Infernal Devices and A Darkling Plain), the last episode of Battlestar Galactica, Monsters, Inc., Running With Scissors, Requiem For A Dream, Synecdoche, New York, and loads more I can't quite remember. I'm usually an emotional retard. Media gets to me, somehow.

Third. I'M TRYING TO MAKE MUSIC. But I usually fail. Even though I sometime get told my one song is alright. Myself and a friend, Jonny (not the same one I mentioned before), have pooled together some money and are buying a Korg Nanopad, a drum synth pad thing. It might work. So that's going slowly. We've done half a song, but we need a singer. Oh, and supposedly we're a noise band. Don't ask. A real drummer would be nice, but from experience they're always fucking idiots who get in the way. Sorry for being mean, potential drummer, but you're probably annoying. So yeah, computers are the way to go.

Sorry for the absence. Twitter has killed this blog. I don't feel the need to write about things I can now usually sum up in a sentence. Which is wrong, of course. See ya.

We've got everything

2010-03-06T11:53:00.001Z

I broke up with my boyfriend. Where I think Sigur Rós's Olsen Olsen flute solo is beautiful, he thought DJ Ironik's latest tune (complete with high-pitched synth voice on backing vocals) was the saddest, most emotion-filled song he'd ever heard.
So yeah, really not feeling that one. I let him down lightly. I feel no sadness, and for some reason am finding myself wanting the bastard ex back. You know the one I mean.

Jonny, a friend from Sixth Form, is starting a film project for his art course at uni, and of course has heard about my amazing acting prowess and asked me to be in it and also help with media type stuff. Sounds exciting. This said, we only have ten weeks to film what he hopes will be at least a forty-five minute feature. Ambitious, much? What helps is the premise: a mockumentary about a failed rock star. It has been done before, but he's got a ton of original ideas which should help. We're also going to record a couple of songs to act as a soundtrack. Lots of work, but sounds lovely.

Open the Floodgates

2010-03-04T12:02:00.004Z

I live with my grandma. I've let you all know this before, right? My work's being especially harsh with hours, meaning basically I have none this week, again. Which leaves me a bit skint. So, she wants me to go to the job centre and get jobseeker's allowance. We went in the other day to ask about it, and you should have seen the state of the assorted dull-eyed chavs and their pregnant teenage girlfriends. I know that there are perfectly normal people who sign on for perfectly legitimate reasons, but seriously. These are the worst Carlisle has to offer (which, as you may have guessed, are pretty bad).

Did I mention I'm in the Crucible, at the Green Room? probably not. I should blog more. I'm playing Herrick, a character in the third and last acts who is pretty much just a drunk prison warden. I don't have an over-abundance of lines, but so many fucking stage directions. Oh, and I left my script in a pub after rehearsals last night, dammit. what was my point here?
oh! yeah! As the rehearsals are three nights a week, and then we do a full week's run at the end of this month, which doesn't really allow me to get a night-time bar job til April. And that's a shame, because it's all I'm good at.

Also, I need to find two monologues for an audition to Arden theatre in Manchester (look! my future!), one from Shakespeare and another from a post-1950s published play. I didn't quite read the last part properly, and started learning this from Mean Girls for a bit of a laugh.

I need to find a band too. Do I say I'm an indie bassist? indie seems to mean Coldplay and the Kings of Leon at the moment (they're terrible, by the way). alternative? alternative bassist? That doesn't sound right.

Don't bore us
Get in the chorus
Open the floodgates

We want the good bits
Without the bullshit
And no heartache

Hold on, hold on, hold on

No pain and
No suffering
And no one gets hurt

We absolve you
We absolve you
Open the floodgates

Hold on

Lotus Flower

2010-02-23T23:51:00.003Z

I'm in love with this man. I find his voice and (Radiohead's) music the most beautiful stuff out there. How he can get so much emotion in his voice, and create powerful songs with simple guitar picking is a gift (do I sound weird?). I feel... lucky to have Radiohead.

Also, check out the zoom on that camera! I fucking love technology. That we can access music and share things and etc etc. You couldn't do this when I was a kid. And that was only like, 5 years ago.

Running With Scissors

2010-02-21T01:16:00.002Z

Managed to watch it twice in under 24 hours. My dad doesn't get these sort of films. He has no appreciation for anything plot driven. There weren't any car chases or explosions, and that's where his interests lie. My mam on the other hand managed to get choked up and cry-y in all the right places. I was pretty impressed. I don't really want to draw up on the parallels between the characters in the film and myself and my mother, but "drug filled crazy woman has gay son" rings a few bells.

Tomorrow is Synecdoche, New York night. Hope for the best.

This blog's gonna get me in trouble

2010-02-20T04:40:00.003Z

I love writing. If I had a tablet, or a scanner, I would hand write entries. There is nothing more beautiful than handwriting. Not my handwriting. Anyone's handwriting. Handwritten letters and poems are the best.

So, I've just watched Running With Scissors. It's quite similar to Synecdoche, New York, in terms of plot and structure. Not that either of these films really have a plot or structure, but the abundance of emotion and actual talented acting in both these films is overwhelming. Films seem to be the only things nowadays that make me cry. I guess I get sucked in by fiction. I've cried at books before, of course. I need to start reading again. If anyone knows of any other films in a similar vein to Running With Scissors and Synecdoche, New York, let me know. Hopefully one day I'll be involved in the creative processes of something similar. I need to start writing again. What the hell am I thinking with Lego? I'm thinking I might be able to create something trendy for my limited portfolio. I found a USB webcam today, even though the quality will be worse, at least it'll be more flexible than a lens attached to my screen.

So yeah, I'm feeling inspired. And I know it's almost 6AM here, and I'm up in a couple of hours, but it seems worth it. I'm having a good time with films at the moment. I watched Grave of the Fireflies this morning when I woke up. My initial reaction was "this is slow, this is boring". After it'd set in, I've realised it's beautiful. I like that word at the moment, notice? I'm hopefully showing my parents Synecdoche tomorrow, but I know, I KNOW then won't like it. They won't understand why I like it. They won't see what I see in it. But I don't care. They might like it. And it's worth a try, right?

Grace, thank you for getting me to watch Running With Scissors, finally. I keep getting inspired. That's good. Thanks everyone.

Opening scene?

2010-02-19T17:22:00.002Z

Here's the opening scene, I guess. It'll be redone if I get a new camera. I'm appalled at how bad it all is. I spent over an hour on this as well. Oh, and I won't be able to film anything once I get back to the UK, as the Lego is all my brother's.

Basically, Mr Ginger Fringe Mob Boss is, for some reason, in charge, and has our hero captive. Over the course of the 8 second scene, he gets his lackey to shoot our hero in the face, then it goes black. I forgot to change the frame rate again, which is why it all goes mega fast.

So many technical issues, you have NO idea. Had to use an old DVD player and loads of VHS cases to prop the Lego set up in front of the webcam as it's inbuilt into my laptop. Then there's lighting. The only available light is a lamp that's way too bright and yellow. Which is why everything goes blue towards the end. Hard to believe that tiny video has 93 frames, right?

Well,

2010-02-19T15:33:00.003Z

this'll have to do for now. If I get any comments, the word 'comments' gets in the way of the title for each post. I know how to fix this, but the thing won't update. Not sure why, really. But I like this theme. I've stolen it from someone else and changed it a little bit, and when I can be bothered sorting out Photoshop on this, I'll draw a new banner or something. I'm thinking of adding some light green to this, yeah?

I'm gonna go and do something and update later on, gonna try caring about this blog again!

If there are any problems be sure to let me know! exclamation mark!

edit: Okay, so I've done a bit of research on YouTube and my sea monster explode thingy was slightly too ambitious. I'm thinking of writing an entire script and doing a drama. Oh wait, with Lego instead of real stuff. I've also just found out that neither my parents nor my brother own a digital camera, so I'm limited to using just the webcam on my laptop. Ah well. I'll be back.

Fly Trapped In A Jar?

2010-02-18T01:04:00.004Z

I've neglected the blog again! Yeah! Reading this blog always seems to inspire me to just bloody get on with it and type. I've had a draft blog post sitting around for ages with the title 'Childhood Books' which I really need to get round to writing. It'll be a good one, I promise.

Right, where to begin?

I'm in France at the moment, visiting parents and having a free skiing holiday. It's not all that bad. I'm not entirely sure where to begin, the mundane, tedious life of Carlisle doesn't really matter all that much. I'm not really doing anything. Work didn't give me any hours for the week before I left, so I guess my job's finished. Oh, I'm seeing someone too, but i'm very uncertain as to whether or not it'll work at all.

As anyone may have noticed from my Twitter feed this evening, I've started a project. A media project, if you can believe that. I'm finding myself with little to do on a night time here, as I can only sit in and lounge about.

Lego. Yes, Lego. And stop motion. You see where I'm going? I made a few of these when I was about 10, using a webcam. Hopefully it won't come out really childish. I'm sure I can keep some amount of professionalism flowing, though. I have no idea as to storyline or plot. I spent an hour slowly filming a weird sea monster thing climb out of a Lego sea. It doesn't look great. I'll upload it anyway. I'm going to change everything and make a serious drama or something, does that sound good? It sounds good.

So, this skiing holiday is a bit weird. Kit and all the boys from Brighton are here (his dad owns a holiday home here, friends with my parents etc.) (oh, and I drunkenly tried to kiss Kit once. That was awkward.), so I've been trying to ski with them. I'm not sure why, but this time I'm just better than them. And they sit about on the slopes way too much. I get frustrated. This is the first time I feel quite fit and active. Although I'm probably not. I've stopped snacking, and really feel like I'm exercising and stuff when skiing. And stuff.

There are these three posh lads staying in the village as well. I tried to socialise, talk to these complete strangers, let them know that they're allowed to talk to other English kids. Um, no. I thought I was withdrawn. These were social retards. Scary stuff.

I'm going to try redesigning this blog at some point too. I've come up with the crazy notion that "Fly trapped in a jar" is better than "a wolf at the door". Who knows? Might work. We'll see.

Oh, shit. I forgot to change the frame rate. Oh well. Pretend it's a little bit slower.

This blog is boring

2010-01-16T15:45:00.002Z

I need to have more of a focus. This is pretty much just all look-my-life-is-average and nothing happens. I should do film reviews or something.

So, UCAS and LJMU have fucked me over slightly. I got into Liverpool John Moore's University last year, can't remember what course, but after the third time of me telling them I don't want to do the course, they still haven't cancelled my place. Which leads UCAS to deny my university application for this year, which leaves me screwed. I need to ring them on Monday, and get it sorted out. LJMU seem incapable of understanding that I need them to do something simple, or I have to take another year out. I'm not taking another gap year. This one has been terrible so far. I've done little to nothing productive.

I saw three bands at the Source last night.

Black Jash, a Scottish angry sort of indie/punk band who didn't care how awful their instruments sounded. They got away with it, it was quite fun to watch. I doubt their studio stuff would be any good though. The singer left half way through, leaving the bassist and drummer to keep going with a weird sort of jam. I'm gonna assume drugs were involved.
3D Tanks, I was really disappointed with. My friend Mike, (who saved me from certain death by inviting me out) was completely in love with this band. All I saw were ugly 30-somethings with bad hair and no body fat playing instruments too loudly. Not impressed.
Insect Guide were easily the best band playing. Even though the female singer's vocals weren't amazing, they were just brilliant. A level of professionalism that the Source is't likely to see again for a while. They were using a loop machine or something. They had bass and samples and everything. There were no gaps between songs. Everything about them was really, really good. I would pay to see them again.

Well yeah, anyway. I almost had to work today, then they changed their mind. Whatever. I need to do something with my life. I'm going to Edinburgh for three days next week, Tuesday to Thursday. Phil Hewitson says he'll help if I want to do any sort of film-making thing. Oh, and I auditioned for a part in The Crucible, by accident.

regret and that or not maybe i don't know

2010-01-14T00:03:00.002Z

Sadako take 3

2010-01-11T20:32:00.003Z

The third version of Sadako has no violin, but Karen's guitar is enhanced a bit. It still needs lyrics and I'm still waiting for someone to send me some!

Nice Dream (if you think you belong enough)

2010-01-08T22:37:00.007Z

I'm lying listening to music, because I have nothing to do. I'm finding this happens a lot lately. I just wish there was someone here, now! This doesn't deserve a blog post, but there's nowhere else I can write: Facebook is too personal, I have a cold-hearted reputation to uphold. And Twitter, only 7 people could possibly read it. Here is alright.

Yesterday I spent a couple of hours with my friend Mike, playing a mixture of guitar, bass and drums. It was really good to jam with someone again.

Then I had my staff party, which was alright for a bit, until I realised I wasn't drunk, and everyone else was. It got a bit lairy. Not my thing. Went to Concrete to meet a friend, who didn't show. Went home with a headache.

Today I recorded a couple of things with Tom. For some reason, I can't play bass as well with him. He's on too high of a level musically, and expects more from me than I am capable of. What a badly constructed sentence, eh? It was a lot more comfortable for me playing with Mike. I need to join another band.

Tomorrow, Karen wants me to go over for a little bit to record Gentle Biscuits with her onto her new Boss recording studio thing. Sounds fun. I'm glad I've been doing music stuff, but I need to be better.

So anyway. I would like someone who I can lie with and listen to music and maybe even talk about music. Not meaning to sound like one of those fucking "music is my life xxx" emo sluts, but I'm getting there.

Podcast script?

2010-01-07T03:25:00.002Z

I'm thinking of audio recording this and releasing it in podcast form, or something.

Jack Johnstone Well Avatar was a pile of crap.

Matt Adamson Out of interest, what makes you think that ?

Cameron Ellis yes out of interest?.. was it because their penis's wer covered by a bit of cloth?.. hmmm?

Jack Johnstone The effects and action were good, but the 3D was unnecessary. Everything else let it down, the acting, cliche plots, all that stuff. I was bored for pretty much the entire film.

Jack Johnstone oh and yeah because I just wanted to see blue alien penis.

Matt Adamson I thought the acting was good in it man and as it goes for atmosphere the films unparrelled.
Who didnt you like acting it it ?

Jack Johnstone Terminator guy was the same character again, Sigourney Weaver was a bit flat too. Can't really speak for the alien acting. Oh, and the army commander guy was annoying. I hated the lead character's backstory.
The whole redemption thing. Lame and overused. The whole thing was terribly predictable. Not one single plot twist.

Matt Adamson I can see why your saying that but if you compare if you watch both films there are differences. Sigourney Weaver i think did what she could with the role she had, i actually would of liked to see more of that charecter but i thought she was very natural in it, did what she could with what she had.
Storywise yes i agree with you its not entirely original but its an atmosphere soaked movie. I truly believe James Cameron once again has raised the bar with this movie.

Jack Johnstone The viewer really shouldn't have to compare one film to another just to make one seem better.
I guess the atmosphere of the film just wasn't for me. There was even a bloody training montage! It was a bit ridiculous in places for its amazing lack of originality.

Matt Adamson Is that not where people go wrong with films though ? too much comparing one film to another ? If you take Avatar as it is surely its a fantastic movie ?

Jack Johnstone It's Lost In Translation all over again. Everyone loves it = Jack hates it.
:P

Matt Adamson Your entitled to not like it, i wasnt that keen on Titanic but everyone raved on about it.
Ahh Lost In Translation, such an excellent movie.

Jack Johnstone get out. :P

Matt Adamson Goodbye to you sir ;)

Ben Herring So it's not worth seeing then? Oh and my mum hates Lost in Translation and I've never bothered to see it so it's not just you.

Jack Johnstone If you want some simple action with nice effects, go and see the 2D version. 3D was a waste.

Jack Johnstone English Language curse you!!
When the aliens shouted with cries of despair (in their own language), their cries started with the [n] phoneme.
When cheering, cries started with the [y] phoneme. It's such a surface level film it annoys me. They've blatantly not thought about anything.

David Wilson 3D was unnecessary? Maybe thats why you can go see it in 2D imax.
Sigourney Weaver was great!
Army Kernal dude was corny yes...but hey...
Can't say it was a pile of crap tbh...very well made film...really pulls you in...when a film is this good it becomes easy to pick out the bad bits.

Jack Johnstone I didn't like any of it, Dave. I was bored.

David Wilson ...fussy lol

Jack Johnstone It was just such a simple film. There was not one subplot.
The whole first half was omglookatthisspecialeffect and the plot stuff was lame and overused and and and I JUST HATE IT >:(

Ben Herring You know some films you should see if you haven't already? Watchmen, The Hurt Locker, District 9, Lost Highway (just some good movies that popped into my head)

Jack Johnstone District 9 is amazing, seen Watchmen too. I'll check out the others. Cheers.

Tom Moscrop I agree with jack tbh, as a film it's ok at best. works well as mindless action film, i won't complain about that but cameron used to be the most stylish film maker out there but this just seemed to be a turqoise firework show with recycled plotlines and no obvious character development. i can see why it's so popular though, very impressive visuals and some of the best action scenes i've ever seen, however, i feel cameron spent much too long on this movie and somewhere along the line just decided to go with a simple storyline in order to get his money back for all overpriced effects in the film. also did anyone notice how hypocritical it is to have a film demonising technology when it was made with the most high tech equipment around today? At the end of the day though if people enjoyed it then i guess cameron has done a good job somewhere. overall i'd give the film a 5 or 6 out of 10 for the visuals alone.

James Story well i may as well chuck in my 2 cents
Avatar is very good, whenever I hear about a film being a masterpiece or a classic or something on such a high pedestal, especially it being a new film, I very rarely get a true sense of why a film is seen like this while I'm actually watching it, perhaps I'm too young or simply desensitised to things but to be honest I don't hold Alien or The Godfather to an especially high standard based on how I actual felt watching the film, but now I'm blabbering on about a different matter entirely.
Back to Avatar, in terms of plot I'm fine with any cliches or conventions being used as long as it works in the film, and it all strings together into a neat little package in Avatar, but it did need something grander to connect with me on an emotional level.
Have to say a lot of the visuals are amazing. Even taking the 3D out of it (which I thought was a decent touch but not a huge draw for me, certainly not the reason for me actually going to see it) the sheer scale of the film is just on another level to what else is coming out.
And now the bad part, characters lack real depth and you can see their roles the moment you see them. (Wait a minute, you mean to tell me that the Government is.....the bad guy?)
That's the only bad thing I have to say really, because there really isn't really much wrong with the film. It's just with spectacular visuals should come spectacular storytelling and everything is just ....... good.
As far as a rating this film personifies 4/5 for me. (Quick plug for some apparently great films coming out as the tail end of 09/ start of '10, 'Precious', 'Up in the Air, 'The Road' and it's been out quite a while but I didn't see 'Milk' being brought up before.
Feel free to generate more podcast-worthy discussions any time Jack

Jack Johnstone Unobtainium.

[a long skype conversation between James Story and Jack Johnstone followed this comment]

Tom Moscrop tbh everyone who worked on that film designers, animators, developers have all done a fantastic job but it is Cameron himself that lets the picture down. it seems that he has gotten lazy in is old age deciding to go for simplicity in order to achieve the broadest range of appeal he possibly can. don't get me wrong, i have nothing against simplistic storylines but once a film is elevated in status such as Avatar was i become much more critical and demand that the film lives up to expectation and shows why it deserves such adoration, this is where my main problem lies with this film. Cameron said that Avatar was inspired by all of the sci-fi comic books and films he saw as a child and this clearly shows, every single cliche and steryotype is on display. there is literally no original ideas in the plot and creative structure of the film. it seems to be a beautiful frankenstein, composed of recycled portions of almost every science fiction works preceeding it. Ultimately resulting in a film that, as previously mentioned, looks incredible but has no emersive capabilities, it feels as though you are watching it, there is no feeling of inclusion. It seems today that most directors, once they get a big fat cheque, begin to slow down and start to go entirley blunt. Michal Bay proved this with his slow degredation from films such as armageddon to the recent Transformers: revenge of the fallen, a film which is, essentially, a boring zeitgeist of explosions and tits glued together with occasional images of the 90's favourite toy.
All in all These big budget films fail time and again to caputure any imagination but succeed in caputuring plenty of pennies for the fat lazy bastards who've forgotten why they wanted to be film directors in the first place. compare anyone of these afformentioned films to anything by Charlie Kaufman such as Being John Malcovich or Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind and you will realise the true artistry in building and developing, which great intricacy, characters and storylines that breathe and fluxuate and form a real indipendent life of their own. Compare the character of Joel Barish, played by Jim Carey in Eternal sunshine, to Cameron's Jake Sulley from Avatar. it is lieterally like compaing Mozart to N-dubz.
Anyway sorry for the rant. just fancied getting distracted from an essay. Btw this is not an indication to avoid Avatar. by all means go see it, draw your own conclusions, just don't get lost in the light show.

Avatar

2010-01-06T00:58:00.004Z

I haven't posted in a while, mainly because I have nothing to write about. I got over him for a while, then got sad again, then I'm back not being bothered. Not important. I had four or five people over on New Year's Eve, which was nice. Didn't get too drunk, was in bed by half three.

My work situation isn't great, but I did expect this. People aren't going to the pub in January, meaning I'm getting less hours at work. I almost had a whole two-hour shift today, but it was cancelled when they realised the pub was empty. Might get the same tomorrow. I really need to look for another job. It can wait til after my trip to France in February, right?

So, tonight, I decided to see Avatar. You really have to, when a movie becomes the highest box office earning film ever, and it is really this hyped. It was the same with other "amazing" films: Lost In Translation, The Dark Knight. Everyone loves them, and I hate them. I don't only hate the films because of the hype. I'm always disappointed by these films. Trying to view them without taking the hype into consideration, they're still not anything special. Lost In Translation is boring. It is not romantic. It is not sensational. It is boring. The Dark Knight is a gritty, edgy cop thriller movie with a sort of superhero and a couple of decent actors not entirely doing their best. Heath Ledger was good, yes, but if there wasn't already a Joker (Jack Nicholson) to compare him to, and if he hadn't died, not a great deal would have been said about his acting. It was good, yes, but it was mostly script writers and directing. That's how these things work.

Getting to Avatar. It was boring, stereotypical, and generally lame. That's pretty much it. It was trying to tackle environmental issues, but whatever. It sucked as a film. Waste of money. The 3D was a waste, it just ruined everything. If this film had had a decent script, it wouldn't have made as much money. Dumbing down for the masses and all this. I like this quote:

"Let me get one thing out of the way: for all the visual spectacle, it is categorically not a revolution in CG. It is merely exactly what we, in 2009, should expect to receive from hundreds of people from the top studios in the world working for years and at a cost of hundreds of millions of dollars. Nothing more, but also nothing less."

V Love Movies

Feeling down?

2009-12-24T23:51:00.002Z

I just watched the first episodes of both Dollhouse and Caprica. I was very impressed with both, although the main thing that stood out in both was how much bloody stuff was only in there for the straight male gaze. Cheers, media studies.

I've been feeling, guess what, lonely. As everyone is spending this time of the year with their families, it means I have to as well, so for the past couple of days I've been alone. Tom's been busy, although I might be meeting up with him later. I just realised it's my first Christmas without my parents. I don't find myself missing them. I want to be earning enough to afford to live alone. I want to go to university.

Every time you think you're walking, you're just moving the ground.

Every time you think you're talking, you're just moving your mouth.

Every time you think you're looking, you're just... looking down.

I don't know what this post was meant to be about. To quote someone else, "farewell, empty silence of cyberspace!"

all the looks of love were staged

2009-12-23T02:14:00.003Z

If only we could Edit The Sad Parts, eh?

I wasn't going to write this post, as I'm a lovely drunk/upset combo, and promised myself I wouldn't do these sort of blog posts any more. Oh well. I'd turned my mac off, and was just settling into bed with On Avery Island's first track Song Against Sex, and I reached over to hug my other pillow because, yes, I feel lonely. And it reminded me of my ex. Early, early on in the relationship, probably about a year ago now, on the rare occasion we didn't share a bed, I would hug a pillow.

So, tonight. Very messy. Jacob tells me that he saw Chris and his new boyfriend in Gianni's. Any other restaurant and I would have probably been fine. Considering Gianni's is my favourite (had my birthday there pretty much 12 times or something), and that I took Chris there a few times as we were getting to know each other, it has a certain sentimental value to me. And the fact that he now takes someone else there makes me feel ill. It really means nothing. It means he likes the pizza (or the prices), and that's it. I'm still angry.

Something else. I got with someone called Bobby at a party a few weeks ago. I was quite drunk, and people had been telling me quite how much we'd get on. We got on quite well. Anyway, he repeated pretty much our entire sexual encounter to all his friends the morning after. I'm not happy with this, really. Especially as I find this out tonight from someone who barely knows either of us. It's ridiculous.

Oh, and. Some straight guy called Stephen is furiously intent on using me to explore his sexuality. I mean, come on. Nothing's going right at all.

John stayed at mine last night. He was going to spend my only day off this week with me, and watch a film. He didn't stay, he left so he could get a lift home. He didn't take the lift home, and instead met up with someone in town. If I'd been invited, I'd have been okay. But it's fucking annoying. I deleted his violin part (to be honest, it was badly played) and put some cool reverb effects on Karen's guitar part to my song, which still has no name. I like Underwater Breathing Apparatus.

I had a very nice chat with a drunken Ben. He's a good listener.

I just want to get away from it all again.

I'm too used to running from my problems.

I'm probably too self-absorbed. I like feeling sorry for myself.

I'm selfish.

And it all breaks down at the first rehearsal

2009-12-20T17:30:00.004Z

I watched Synecdoche, New York again. And cried. Again.

Sometimes all I really wanna feel is love.
Sometimes I'm angry that I feel so angry.

I've been working on my song a bit more. It needs lyrics, but I think the music is finished. I got John and Karen to come over yesterday, Karen brought her guitar and John brought his electric violin, so we had a bit of a go with those. While I didn't get exactly what I was intending from either instruments, I think what we came up with is pretty good. Fuck it, actually, I'm gonna put them on Youtube. Hang on.

Compulsive Liar

2009-12-16T01:48:00.002Z

I made up the most absurd lie earlier:
"You can't clap your hands if they're wet."

oxygen to breathe

2009-12-15T03:02:00.002Z

I finally managed to figure out how to use Logic. It was really simple: Preferences>Audio>Input>Input. Oh well. This is the first thing I've made, so no laughing. The guitar is all me, the drums, synth and bells are all thanks to Logic. It definitely needs more instrumentation, and I'd hope to get vocals at some point. Comment.

In other news, Simply Syndicated head Richard Smith announced today on Twitter that he's going to hand the network over to someone else. That's a bit sad.

test 2

2009-12-09T23:50:00.001Z

The woman next door is crying. Her skin is grey and broken: mottled, greasy and infected. She is no longer bullet proof. She tears at her face with clawing hands, it falls away and dissolves at her feet. The condition of her husband is not as severe, but progressing rapidly. As the woman's eyes burn away, she takes a last look at him and feels not remorse, but regret. "Is this the best I could have done?" she thinks, "That man? This life?"
She can feel nothing. She cares not for living.
As the woman dies, she can hear only her husband's screams, and the house collapsing around them.
The noises fade.

I did ask for this.

2009-12-09T02:40:00.003Z

I did. Really.

Tonight, I went out with Tom for his birthday. He's 19. I wrapped a shoebox up for him in loads of newspaper, so it looked like something exciting. Inside was a card with a cute puppy on the front, and the words BITTER CRUSHING DISAPPOINTMENT on the inside. His present off the internet hasn't arrived yet, so I thought that would do.

Like I said, this is what I asked for: while in Woodrows, I saw two thin, trendy people wearing those bloody stupid hats that everyone seems to have nowadays. The second time I looked, I realised it was, of course, my ex-boyfriend and some lesbian looking woman. About half an hour later, I find out that it was in fact Chris, and his new boyfriend.

I was filled with despair. I still am. I know that this shouldn't be affecting me in any way, but it really is. Either this is what he wants or (more likely) he's moved on. It just seems so sudden. And, of course, I haven't moved on. I'm a mess, pretty much. I left Concrete early (the guy I was dancing with was straight, of course) (oh, and I applied for a job, badly) to walk home, alone. I couldn't be bothered waiting for anyone. It does seem, however, that I am now only capable of contributing to this blog when I'm a bit upset and drunk. Oh well. John gets back in just under a week. He really is marvellous. After I've spent Christmas with him, I'm probably going to go to France and work with my dad. Unless this Concrete job works out, or maybe that gay bar will get back in touch. Both are not likely. I just want to curl up in a ball and have no contact with anyone until it's time for university.

By the way, I have no right to be feeling sorry for myself: I did ask for this.

I've got a disease, an English disease!

2009-11-30T16:45:00.009Z

What've you put in that syringe?

What have you really said to him?

(inside my head by radiohead)

I've been feeling ill and sorry for myself all day. It has something to do with the whole outside catering thing with the Sportsman from 5 to half 11 on Saturday, then going into town til four in the morning the day after, then standing behind a bar surrounded by alcohol whilst hungover for six hours on Sunday. Maybe. I got out of bed at about half two today, and I've probably taken too many paracetamol, and have watched the first half of the Studio Ghibli film Princess Mononoke, which so far is better than Tales Of Earthsea, which was a pile of crap.

I really, really want to be able to play the acoustic guitar. Just chords, mind. I'll save up for some lessons or something. Seeing as though Princess Mononoke is a Miramax film, I got a real craving to watch Kill Bill again, so I'm getting that now. I wouldn't mind seeing it in high def with a surround sound system, really.

Oh, that reminds me. Although I said I would never mention Poskett again, it's proving impossible. This is my own fault, I should have remembered that the internet is my enemy. I offered to give him £1100 for the Mac he bought, which is the step up from mine. Wait. I'll explain this. With his work, he got a £200 discount from Apple, thus paying £1300 (how much I paid for this) for a Macbook Pro worth £1500. I offered him £1100 for it, but, after agreeing to sell it to me, said he sold it to someone for £1300 (which, being the same price he'd paid for it, I couldn't have beaten, really [although it turns out I did end up paying £1300 for this]). By searching his username on eBay (pockych - oh, and I know his password. Luckily for him, I'm not feeling that angry quite yet. "Chris," his mum asks, "what is this.. German.. magazine.. you've ordered?"), I found that he'd not only sold it to someone he's never met, but for £1100. Bastard. Fucking bastard. Oh well. Comment to make me feel better. Now.

On a lighter note, this blog is genuinely interesting and funny:

Nate Fitzgerald: One Isolated Man's Journey

blame it on the satellites

2009-11-29T04:15:00.008Z

oh cry cry cry get over yourself

I might, and you might. But neither of us will.

2009-11-29T03:46:00.002Z

Bah. I'm a drunken mess, again. I got myself in a right state, after seeing that guy I'm not meant to be mentioning, went to Concrete with a few friends, they were all couples and/or getting with someone! I felt lonely and emo. I found a message in my drafts I can't quite remember writing: I miss you and I know you miss me. Luckily for me in the morning I don't have your number anymore. Yes. Pfft, that is so lame. I think I've just rediscovered Modest Mouse. On the way home, I heard Lives, The Good Times Are Killing Me, Might, and Karma's Payment.

There was a guy in Concrete who was alright looking, and getting a bit close. I came to the conclusion that he was just drunk and straight, like every other bloody person in the building. I feel so bloody lonely. Ridiculous. Although, it's not like I'm expecting to meet anyone in this place. I'm just annoyed because I saw Poskett.

Seriously though, can I go a single blog post without mentioning something to do with my sexuality? It's a joke.

I'm the next act, waiting in the wings.

2009-11-28T00:39:00.003Z

Abi and myself have decided, since today, that we're going to do some miserable street theatre over Christmas. Not sure how we decided, but we did a test in town today: I laid down in an alley, we waited for some people to walk past. Abi stole my shoes and ran away. The people got angry, two tried to wake me up, one chased Abi. I yawned, stretched, and got up, ignoring the two people talking to me, and hurriedly walked, in socks, to where I'd arranged to meet Abi, who was waiting with my shoes. Possibly the most exciting thing I've done in quite a while.

We have a few ideas of what to do over Christmas, my favourite being:

Abi is kneeling down, paying great attention to the line she is drawing with a white piece of chalk. I am kneeling down a couple of meters behind her, furiously scrubbing away the chalk line with a sponge. This will go on for as long as we want. We'll try and get "audience members" to stand and watch us, and talk loudly about the dreary, meaninglessness of the whole situation. Something about humanity or artistic worth, you get the idea. I think I want this to be filmed, it's quite exciting. We'll be muttering something under our breath while we do this. Hopefully passers-by will wonder for a second what the hell is going on. Maybe they'll, hopefully, think. Maybe they'll think, "bloody students", and carry on. Either way, we win. Or get arrested.

I just applied for a job in a gay bar.

2009-11-26T19:16:00.002Z

Carlisle's becoming very liberal all of a sudden. My CV has never made me sound so camp: my interests are media production, playing bass guitar, and acting. I tried to give it a personal touch, said something about being "thrilled at the prospect of a gay-friendly bar opening in Carlisle." Oh well. Either it'll work or it won't. I had to go through some sauna website to get to the online application form. I've just reread the CV and it feels way too informal. We'll see.

I've found that not being with Poskett (and this is the last time I'l ever mention him, don't worry) is a lot easier today than it was yesterday. Of course, I'm still not doing very much, but it's getting better. I knew it would. I bumped into his friend Stuart today, and it made me think, if he's friends with someone like that, then I'm lucky to have got away.

I'm also feeling sorry with myself for having some sort of writing block over the last few weeks (I mean, you wouldn't think writing in this whole stream-of-consciousness thing is hard, would you?), but I'm hoping to get back up with the whole one post a day thing I've always been trying to go for. I'm just starting to find myself that slight bit less interesting.

Oh, me and Tom recorded a song for his friend Dave. I'll try and make some sort of video for it, and put that on YouTube. Technology these days.

I'm enjoying a song called No More Shoes by Stephen Malkmus and The Jicks, try it.

Movin' on up

2009-11-23T11:36:00.004Z

lol.

Gardenhead/Leave Me Alone by Neutral Milk Hotel

2009-11-21T17:29:00.004Z

There are beads that wrap around your knees
That crackle into the dark
Like a walk in the park, like a hole in your head
Like the feeling you get when you realize you're dead
This time we ride rollercoasters into the ocean
We feel no emotion as we spiral down to the world
And I guess it's worth your time
Because there's some lives you live
And some you leave behind
It gets hard to explain
The gardenhead knows my name

Leave me alone, for you know this isn't the first time
In fact, this is twice in a row
That the angels have slipped through our landslide
And filled up our garden with snow
And I don't wish to taste of your insides
Or to call out your name through my phone
For the glory boys at your bedside will love you
As long as you're something to love

Follow me through a city of frost-covered angels
I swear I have nothing to prove
I just want to dance in your tangles
To give me some reason to move
But to take on the world at all angles
Requires a strength I can't use
So I'll meet you up high in your anger
Of all that is hoping and waiting for you

oh, damn it.

2009-11-16T20:01:00.003Z

This blog doesn't look anywhere near as good in Safari as it did in Firefox. My hard drive isn't compatible with both Windows and Mac either. So no films, no music. Damn.
Otherwise, so far this Mac is great. The trackpad is a bit difficult to use at the moment, but I'm sure I'll get used to it. I hope the keyboard dims when you watch a DVD or something.

Bloody Poskett. He's not worth the hassle anyway.

I'm going to Bristol to see John tomorrow. The ticket cost me £78 with a young person's railcard, which cost £25. Still, should be a good night.
I'm going to try to do less of the whiny personal stuff. Actually, why did I even think that? Of course I'm going to keep doing the whiny personal stuff.

The only thing about not entertaining Chris any more is that he has a ticket for me to go and see Modest Mouse with him. I haven't paid him, and I don't think he expected me to, but I think I'll just buy a ticket for Glasgow or something instead. I'll see if he tries to get in touch with me or something. He never does. I love how soft this keyboard feels, it's great. I wonder if they do VLC for Mac.

I've seen Lawson, and he says he'd be happy to podcast with me. I think after I buy all the equipment and after this night in Bristol I will have a whole £100 pounds left, which really isn't that bad. I saw the Sportsman today and they said I can pretty much have a lot of hours until after Christmas. My dad wants me to go back and work with him in January and February anyway.

Lots of people have told me, since I've come back to Carlisle, that I should have nothing more to do with Chris anyway. oh, I don't know.

the whale song

2009-11-13T01:05:00.005Z

I've bought myself a Mac. Well, joint Christmas present thing from my parents. I gave them €1230 (all my wages since moving here), they paid the rest for a £1300 Macbook Pro. Not bad really. I can't remember how much I have in my bank account in the UK. Hopefully around £200 but it could be quite a bit less. Oh well. Hopefully I'm getting my job in the Sportsman back, so that'll be some money coming in. I have some projects lined up.

Film: With Ben, and probably Tom and other interested people. There's a plot idea. I'm hoping to act. Hopefully, we'll pick a strong scene, and focus on that. From the strength of that scene, we can expand it into a full film. That's how I'd work, anyway. Tom also talked about a series of short films (VIDEO PODCAST!) based on driving lessons. Comedy, easy. I reckon, any decent ideas can be turned into short films or otherwise, and I just have to motivate myself and others (and rent equipment, money) to get on with it. The first stuff we make will not be amazing quality. I understand that. Improvement comes with practice. That's fine with me, I want the experience, the portfolio stuff, and the fun.

Podcast: Chris Lawson is interested in this sort of thing. After listening non-stop to Simply Syndicated, I am inspired. It is that easy. Now I have my Mac (well, monday), I need to splash out on Amazon and buy a mic stand, microphone and mixer. And get everyone else involved in this to buy microphones as well. (See, this is all money. Again.) I'm hoping to get as many people as I can on board with this, although keep it down to maybe just two people per episode. There are always interesting topics to talk about. How shit The Plan is, or how we got into listening to decent music.

Music: I mentioned to Tom that I want to start a band with him. Hope that works out, although it's likely we'll just clash a bit. He might be into experimental stuff. We'll see.

This post is called The Whale Song because of this bassline:(everyone needs to find a way out)

Frantic Ruined My Life (on the end of the world)

2009-11-10T23:06:00.001Z

smiling but lifeless
sweat and smoke tangled in their hair
the word was, "believe"
we didn't.

in the future, they'll see we had no choice.
"you could have done something"
you... nobody tells you what to do
same as
no
nevermind

"What I'm really, really trying to say, what I'm really trying to get across to you here is that, that none of this is certain in any way. Really. Is it? No. Why can't you just understand that?"
I've spent a decent part of my life staring at a computer screen, waiting for a change. Four years ago, it happened. You can't see it now. That's the way life, the internet, the government whatever works, and it's brilliant. Not in a good way, of course. People died. Communities were destroyed. And, this isn't from official sources. No, the BBC or CNN or whatever censored it all. Thousands of photos, videos and blogs ( and they're gone now, of course) told us the horrors committed by this country in the name of purity. The year is 2016, and Frantic ruined my life.

"No, he wasn't political in any way, really. He was a good boy. Never really stepped out of line. I don't know why it happened the way it did. I'm sorry." - excerpt from Memories Of The Victim, by Joel Hammersmith

can't stop feeling no i won't stop feeling

2009-11-06T13:38:00.005Z

I'm moving back to Carlisle. Somehow I've only just realised that ctrl+backspace deletes words at a time, that's useful. iTunes fucked up with my entire music library, so I've had to add it all again and all the ID3 tags are also fucked so I have to rename and add artwork to 18GB worth of music. Damn technology.
Oh, and I'm moving back to Carlisle. Number of reasons. There's not much oppurtunity here for me apart from that political singer guy which probably wouldn't have worked, and speaking French. Which I've pretty much proved to myself I can do.
I want to act. I want to sort my uni application. I want to work. I miss Chris. I miss being comfortable. I miss good food. Pretty much, I can't find work here. I haven't exactly tried hard, and I've been here less than two weeks, but I'm fed up. Montpellier is a brilliant place, and I'd love to move back here sometime, but maybe with someone I know. It's not that I'm incapable of living alone, it's just difficult. Hopefully I can get some of my old job back. Hopefully start writing or acting or something. I'll try and get more involved. I'll try and get some of my old friends back, I left most of the people I know without saying bye. I need to find a band.

Those were the days.

feel no emotion as we spiral down

2009-11-04T15:28:00.009Z

It gets hard to explain: the Gardenhead knows my name.
I tried to embed some music by David Gael (French band guy) here but can't figure it out.

Elly won't mind me posting this. Can't be bothered editing it right now either. Read if you can be bothered.
fuck it that wasn't worth posting
what nevermind

this is what, the 5th time I've edited this post.
I need to get on with something.
Some project.
I'm gonna go out and buy writing paper and some pens and stuff and write a fucking screenplay.

or a novel or play or something.
I'll buy a small notebook and a large one. Large one being for ideas.

So, I went out and couldn't find a single shop that sold them. What the hell is wrong with this city? I couldn't possibly write on my computer, oh wait.

still got your words and you've got your friends

2009-11-03T15:18:00.005Z

Pretty much straight after my last post, I lent back in my chair, crushing the wire for my laptop charger. My new charger arrived yesterday, and by that time I was feeling entirely too demotivated to write on here. Motivation's back. I read a blog before that I saw linked through a comment on an article about Twitter on The Guardian's website and remembered I have a blog myself.
I've thought of hundreds (exaggeration right there) of Blog titles or whatever. No, wait. Subjects. Subjects to write about. But I've forgotten most of them. I'll try.
I'm still trying to find a job here. I haven't been entirely pro active about the whole thing, I've only given about three CVs out. Ah, yes: on Friday I saw a post online for some restaurant "Antidot" looking for workers. I found the address, looked at a map, but was unable to print it out, so tried to memorise it. I had to take a tram, which I thought would get me at least half way there. It didn't. I got lost. I asked someone for help. He couldn't understand me. I ended up walking the four or five miles to the edge of Montpellier to find some (quite trendy) bloody restaurant on an industrial estate. They'd already found someone, of course. Then I had to walk back.
We had a party that night which was too full of drugs and smoke.
I was hungover the next morning. Did nothing.
We had another, smaller gathering that night, which I enjoyed a lot more. There were only about ten of us this time, and I managed to talk to almost everyone.
The next day (I'm aware this is being written in a poor fashion) we sat in and watched films and stuff. Requiem for a Dream. I'd been putting off watching it, don't know why. I was very, very skeptical in the beginning but it turned out to be completely amazing, really. I was rather taken aback. The girls in this house like watching The Vampire Diaries, a shit American serialised drama about, guess, vampires.

Today, Janou sort of told me (oh and my British dictionary plugin isn't working. great.) that I need to get my act together and go out and get a job. In less words than that, obviously. She also told me that she's got a friend looking to co-rent an appartment with someone. If I had money (I have around €1300, which I shouldn't just go and spent), I'd be entirely up for it. I'm probably still going to go for it, if I can go and sign on or something. Need a job.
Janou told me to sign up for Couch Surfers (a [dodgy] 'non-profit' organisation which supports backpackers) and I did. I found an post on the Montpellier board for two guys who want a bassist and drummer
also fuck it it's hard thinking in english this much
so I called the guy before, David Gael. It was actually much easier to call him then I'd imagined it would be, and it seemed he spoke English. He writes in French, as a singer and acoustic guitarist. I think there's another guy playing acoustic in his band as well, and he says he likes Radiohead, although they don't play anything like Radiohead, which is fine, because The Turks loved Radiohead, but we never did anything like them at all. The advert had been up for five days and I don't think anyone had replied yet. This sounds promising. I'm going to meet him in.. one hour. Exciting stuff. I'll try and take him for a drink or something instead of merely picking a CD up off him. I hope he's somewhere close to my age, etc. Actually that shouldn't matter. Oh well.

Music in France is different to music in the UK. Not sure why.
Instead of A, B, C, D, E, F, G, they have la, si, ... and sol is G. I don't get it. Hopefully these guys can teach me a bit.

I'm starting to feel (probably imaginary) tension in this house after a week of living here mostly because to everyone here I seem to just sit in all the time. I can't go and get more CVs printed off yet because I have no USB stick, damn it. Also I'd rather just be on holiday and live cheaply and not spend money. As long as I have internet, food, music and sleep (all of which I can afford), I'll be happy here. Difficult to please yourself and not care about others when you're imposing on others. Not imposing, but. This post is long.
So yeah, anyway. The lyrics in the title come from The World At Large by Modest Mouse, from Good News For People Who Love Bad News, and mean something to me how American is this. Well anyway, even though I do no writing (OH YEAH REMIND ME TO WRITE), barely read, and whatever, I've always got my words and hopefully, got my friends. "still" is a very important word also.

Another idea I had was to write a screenplay (right? or script whatever) called Guilt, or How Frantic Changed My Life. I'm not sure where the guilt comes in yet, nor any ideas about characters or anything (in fact a play would be better), but it comes from my mother drunkenly shouting at me "you're a stupid fucking twat!" while she wanted to watch Frantic (old Harrison Ford film in Paris) one night a few weeks ago. It being set in France, and my being a foreigner in France, I could watch this film and draw parallels between my (ha, my) character and Harrison Ford's character in that film. Surely you don't need right from whatever film company to write that script. Anyway, it would all be fictional but stem from that. Sound good? I'd hope so.

Also, one of the girls who lives here got married to some guy last Friday, who's staying here. I don't think I like him. Or her. I don't know. It just feels tense.

I've just moved out for the first, no, second (no, third), time and already I want to move out. I guess I'll never stay fixed to one place. Also how do I make it look like I've been active all day when Janou gets back from uni? I don't think I can. Oh well. I'll pounce and tell her I'm meeting someone at six. That'll impress her, hopefully. (although, I still haven't made the effort to get a job. oh well.)

Thanks for reading.

i would stand in line for this

2009-10-28T10:57:00.003Z

I'm in Montpellier! Living with three women. I've never seen so many shoes. It's my third day here, and I'm meant to making a CV. My first day here I spent doing the tourist stuff, basically just walking around. Yesterday one of the students I'm living with took me round loads of bars, but we didn't find a job. It was meant to be that easy, I'm sure of it.
I'm drinking infusion tea and it's terrible. I miss the real stuff.
I've gone like, almost a week without touching any food that I would deem unhealthy, chocolate and crisps and that. I actually cooked myself a meal yesterday. Scrambled eggs. I used full fat cream (there was no milk) and it was really sweet. That's how much of a student I'm being right now.

Today it's quite annoying because I don't have any friends yet, so I'm sitting in the kitchen using the wifi, and there's a radio on but I don't want to turn it down because there might be someone else in but I haven't seen anyone etc.
We went to the main gay bar here yesterday and tried to get me a job but no luck. I'm gonna search online for English-language theatre groups or something. There should be something like that.

Question Time

2009-10-22T23:50:00.005+01:00

Like any self-respecting gay, I got hugely angry at both Nick Griffin and Baroness Warsi upon their mention of homosexuality. I also wanted to high-five the lesbian who stood up to him a bit.
It all starts with the story in the Daily Mail about Stephen Gately where this reporter is pretty much a massive homophobe. (I read the article, she's a bitch.) So the BNP leader and some Conservative woman both basically say that homosexuality shouldn't be taught in schools (she wanted Section 28 back for heaven's sake!) and other stuff but yeah. Being gay makes you sensitive to this shit. I don't remember any mention of homosexuality in primary school but I imagine I wouldn't have spent a decent part of my life feeling slightly fucked up if I'd known what the hell was going on with me. Seeing the reactions (well, opinions, I mean.) of these straight people on that panel (they were all straight, right) is so bloody common. There are very few straight people I think 100% understand what it is to be homosexual. Many people claim they know, but they really, really don't. And if you're straight, reading this, you'll be thinking, "that gay thinks he's special or something"
I don't know what point I'm even trying to make here
I've never felt that anyone straight could possibly understand what it's like. To be fair, I don't have any (wait, let me think... nope) any friends who are straight and part of a minority which is as belittled and whatever as homosexuality is. I'm probably wrong here, but living in Carlisle means there are only white people. or something. basically I'm just angry because everything for everything positive about homosexuality there are x30 fucking internet retards to upset me.

One example: Heinz Deli Mayo
I pretty much did my last media coursework on this advert. It was pulled after I think around 90 complains to Ofcom complaining about the homosexual content and it undermining the typical family or whatever. There are over a thousand comments on this video, and the more recent ones are positive, whereas the comments on this video when it was first posted were extremely offensive. People complained that their kids might see it or whatever and turn gay. Because that happens. The advert was in fact not allowed to be broadcast near kid's TV programs because of the high sugar level or whatever of the product itself. What annoys me the most about this whole thing is that Heins pulled the entire marketing campaign. Stonewall saw this as an insult, as if Heinz were scared to be associated with a gay market. The majority of positive comments on youtube fail to see much of a homosexual connotation to the whole ad. The kids even call the italian chef dude "mum"

Oh, fucking hell. Society has made me unhappy with myself, again.

we'll just say you were never here

2009-10-21T16:09:00.004+01:00

Called Jeanne-Marie today, so my parents are gonna give me a lift to Montpellier on Monday. Once I get there, that's it, I'm staying. Awesome. I hope it goes well. Chris hasn't talked to me yet. I dunno. Guilty? or am I just paranoid? Probably both.
So, I'll have to go to Ikea at some point and buy bed stuff . And towels. Maybe plates or whatever as well. Because Chris didn't come, I'm also lacking a toothbrush charger, and enough clothes. Which is all very bad. I know that one was short, but yeah. extended status update or whatever.
I think I'm stuck already on acoustic guitar. I'm not sure where to go next. I've learnt all the basic chords and whatever but I have no idea how to progress from there, with strumming or whatever. Whatever I try and play sounds quite bad. More practice is needed.

Also how many times did I say that word? Is it even a word?

tells me all the ways that he's gonna mess me up

2009-10-20T22:39:00.003+01:00

So, Chris can't come any more.
I'm not entirely sure what happened.
It was a mix of something to do with the hire car company and his credit card.
Oh well.
I can't go to Montpellier on Thursday so I'll have to call Jeanne-Marie tomorrow and tell her.
I won't be able to get a lift til next week, and I also won't be able to "just visit", so I dunno how it'll work but I'll just have to turn up and move in. This sucks. I don't know if Chris genuinely couldn't come, but there's the nagging doubt that he didn't want to in the first place. I mean, who misses a train? I never saw any proof of his tickets or anything. I don't know. Also, if anyone wants me to play me in my biopic, get in touch.

calls me up

2009-10-20T01:06:00.002+01:00

Not too sure about the new header, really. Thoughts?

I called Jeanne-Marie (the student) from Nicole's (her mum) house to arrange meeting up and my French is appalling. Really, really bad. No small talk because I can't remember how to do it. So, just business. Chris gets here on Thursday and we're going to Montpellier once he gets here, then staying at Jeanne-Marie's house that night. My future house. Poor Chris, won't get any rest. He'll be worn out. Ah well. And hopefully I'll be moving there as soon as possible. I've said I'm not working at the Grau hotel/restaurant for two days, because Chris is here. Oh well.

in an interstellar burst

2009-10-19T16:08:00.004+01:00

This place is getting a bit domestic/angry, which is annoying.

Also. I feel, I don't know, stood up or something.
Chris was meant to be coming on the train today, but he cancelled it. But now it turns out he's hiring a car instead, so I should just shut up and stop being paranoid. I treat him like crap, then get angry at him when he steps even slightly out of line. I'm an idiot. Ah. Well.

Tonight I'm going to my neighbour's house to call Jeanne-Marie, which is entirely belated, as I'm hoping to go and visit her in the next few days. If Chris gets here. When he leaves, I'm hoping to go and move in with this student, on the basis of teaching her English while I learn French. No idea about the sort of stuff I'll have to do. I mean, how much it'll cost or whatever. I've heard she has lots of gay friends, though, which is tacky but I'm open to the idea because well I'm a whore.

Also, every time I stand on the scales I get a different weight, but the average seems to be 70kg, which coupled with my height of 185cm gives me a completely average body mass index thingy. Which is good.

But, really

2009-10-18T13:19:00.000+01:00

but i'm happy alone, honest

2009-10-17T20:51:00.002+01:00

I'm so sore today. It was my last day of working for my dad yesterday and everything hurts. I was on a roof, sweeping it. It took about six hours. Crazy. I also have manly builder hands. Not right.

AND NOOOO I CAN'T WIN EXPERT MINESWEEPER. Seriously. 53 games and I can't do it. That hurts too.

So, I found this course: Acting in Creative Media which is at The Manchester College, which is part of Manchester University. It's a three year course, the first is theory based to weed out the slackers (me), second year seems to be acting, then in the third you create different forms of media (TV, radio, etc.) as part of a small company. I don't know but it seems good, and that's where I want to go, really.

hey paul, hey paul, let's have a ball

2009-10-16T02:24:00.002+01:00

So it's like half three and I should have been asleep at least three hours ago because I'm getting up in four hours to go and do manly building work. I've been watching Stargate Atlantis and I can see why it got cancelled after the fifth season. Even though Midway was actually quite a good episode, it was blatantly oh look here's Teal'c from SG1 (tough foreign alien) and Ronan from Atlantis (tough foreign alien) let's put them both together oh and also because this is the last episode before the finale let's put it on Atlantis, a random planet, the midway station, AND Stargate Command oh and a jumper oh and the Daedalus. Hmm. But yeah, still interesting.

I have also discovered Simply Syndicated. Oh my God. It's a podcast network sort of site and it's awesome. I love the sense of humour the different presenters have. My favourite podcast so far is ...or do you think that's just bollocks?
It's exactly the type of non-profit organisation I'd like to be involved in in the future if non-profit was my kinda thing, which it will probably end up being. aha.

race: in

2009-10-15T16:20:00.002+01:00

I bought myself an acoustic guitar for €150 last night in Andorra. I think it's an Epiphone but I'm not sure. It's very shiny, though. I'm finding it quite easy to remember the chord shapes but after almost twelve hours of owning an acoustic I haven't quite got the hang of jumping from chord to chord. I'm told it comes quite quickly once you start playing. Cool. I had the worst headache I've had in a while this morning so I didn't go to work with my dad. I got up at about one PM and I've watched a film called Thank You For Smoking which was rather funny, and listened to Thom Yorke's new EP Feeling Pulled Apart By Horses which is different but good. I'm getting bored of this village but I think I already said that before.

Also I can't do barre chords yet! Shame on me.

tell me something that rhymes with pavement

2009-10-12T21:11:00.002+01:00

Seriously though, go for Stephen Malkmus when you have a chance. Lyrically he is insane. Neutral Milk Hotel are probably better for lyrics though.
So, Becca and Joe split up. Makes sense and itoldyousoetcetc.
So, Chris is friends with Stuart again, right after I leave. Is that what I do? Stifle people's friendships? Stuart is a fucking creep, though. I don't know what Chris is thinking at all.

Oh, and. I just finished reading The Ring which was a bloody waste of time. I won't bother buying the next part of the story because even the cliffhangar was lame. It seemed like a good book, but the translator I think died or something near the end because it became increasingly more pathetic. The blurb boasts, "Japan's most thrilling new literary star". The translator (I'm guessing) did a pretty shit job at keeping the thrilling part of the book in there. Also. I have been scared by books before. Stephen King and that. This book was in no way frightening. 3/10, purely because it keeps you interested even though it is lame. Dunno how it manages that. Next book I'm reading is by Ian M. Banks. It's called Use of Weapons. It sounds very heavy sci-fi, I'll give it a try.

raindown

2009-10-11T18:13:00.006+01:00

Also, facebook in french is better than facebook in english.

stop whispering, start shouting

2009-10-11T13:50:00.004+01:00

So, turns out I've finished my first week doing building in France. Tiring and I can't wait to get to Montpellier, which also turns out to be the gay capital of France. Weird, huh? Bought Nathan Pablo Honey and In The Aeroplane Over The Sea for his birthday. He seems to like Radiohead a bit more than Neutral Milk Hotel, but I bloody wish someone had given me those albums when I was 13. Ah well. Chris is taking ages to do his drums for that ice hand! Mathers will also take ages. At least I can (probably) count on Karen!

Radiohead's early music videos were weird.

and chris's drum were neither how I imagined them to be played or high enough quality.

that ice hand

2009-10-08T23:45:00.001+01:00

That's what I think I'll call this new music project. That Ice Hand. Has a nice ring to it. I might absorb the Turks work in to that as well. Cheeky me. I look so round in the test video for Chris. My youtube account is called jackandjackorjack. Mathers and Karen are on board, and Chris is recording his drums tomorrow night. I hope he gets it right. This could be something special. Or it could not. Anyway, time to lie down.

hey there mister sweet and awful

2009-10-08T17:34:00.003+01:00

So, (if Mathers agrees) I'm hoping to get a proper structure for this song. Also want to get Chris, Chris and Karen to record bits for it on video, then I'll do a mashup with fixed audio. That sort of thing. Too ambitious? I asked Mathers and he strangely hasn't replied.

Ooh, and he replied and said yes. Depends on Chris now!

got caught stealing from the lost and found

2009-10-07T21:10:00.002+01:00

I'm in France, by the way. That's why the background in that last video was full of half-built rubbish. Obviously (?) I don't have obsessive compulsive disorder, but my mother pointed out before how many times I wash my hands. While working with my dad today, I kept having to go and clean the sawdust off my hands, even if I was going to dirty them again five minutes later. When I got home tonight, after stroking the dogs or whatever, I'd wash my hands. It's just this place is so dusty. Normal, right?

space rock

2009-10-06T23:51:00.002+01:00

Seriously though, I seem to have written something I'm genuinely impressed with.

i've got it all (most)

2009-10-02T12:32:00.001+01:00

Chris got a pair of Sennheiser PXC 350 headphones today and is letting me borrow them while at work. Not being able to hear myself type is a bit weird. I've never heard sound quality like it. I want some. And at just over a hundred pounds, why wouldn't I? This Modest Mouse EP thing is amazing with these. You can hear Isaac Brock go, "I just love this shit..." at the start of King Rat. This sort of thing gets me excited.
I'm going to listen to OK Computer and Amnesiac later.

everyone is so near

2009-09-29T15:38:00.002+01:00

Today
Done nothing, same as usual. Will go on SMACX soon and listen to Scott Mills.
There's a film night or something at Tom's tonight. Cool.

Tomorrow
Work til four. Seeing Mathers afterwards? With Chris, of course. It'll be all end of the world.

Thursday
Working til four. Until Chris finishes work it will be the same nothing.

Friday
Nothing during the day, will probably see Chris before I go out for a "last drink" with Iain. Might invite Lawson and Bob or whatever.

Saturday
Working til seven (last day at work) then home for packing or whatever. Probably will see Chris although I probably shouldn't.

Sunday
Chris is driving me to Liverpool, I get my flight to Carcassonne. Cool.

Windows 7

2009-09-29T13:38:00.002+01:00

Possibly the most lame thing I have ever seen. Skip to the end.

and I miss you when you're around

2009-09-28T15:29:00.003+01:00

Spent about two hours getting the text on this just right, for my desktop. I have it on centre so it fits really perfectly. Realised this morning I missed out an 'e'. Fucking hell. And I've rasterised the layers or whatever so I can't edit the text. Sad.

you were laying on the carpet like

2009-09-23T15:38:00.010+01:00

I can't play bass today.
Tips of my fingers are sore.
Don't know why.
Also I have the cheapest digital camera.
That's another thing I need.
Well, want.
As well as a Mac.

I'm going to be terribly poor in France.

seen through most of everything

2009-09-22T08:46:00.002+01:00

Saw John (my first boyfriend!) after work yesterday. Chris was probably a bit jealous about it, so he picked me up when I got home from seeing John. Strangest time to have a night out. I finished work at four, so we went to Circle Bar, then Fats til about half eight. I staggered home a drunken mess after about four cocktails. Terrible. I'm gonna miss John. Karen's already gone too. Ah well.

Just started watching Paranoia Agent. The files are in bloody .mkv and they freeze all the time because of my shit laptop. The anime itself is good, though. A bit weird. I tried to get Chris to watch Cowboy Bebop but he's not interested. He likes Firefly though. The American Office is way better than the UK one, that took me about five mintues to work out!

The whole thought of blood donation makes me ill anyway, but check this out
http://www.blood.co.uk/pages/flash_questions.html
Turns out if you're gay, you can't donate. Brilliant.

where do we go from here?

2009-09-18T17:20:00.002+01:00

Half-sure I've used this blog title before. Andrew has no work for me. I can't be bothered texting Mathers because he hasn't text me, so it doesn't seem too fair.

Called my Mam to ask if she could upload the photos of my band onto Facebook, because I can't find a decent photo of the four of us. Karen left today, by the way. I'm saddened. I finally talked to her as if we both have feelings. It's insane. Mam says that I could move there and work with my Dad in France for two weeks at the start of October and earn €1000. Not bad. I'm not to into manual labour but I am into one thousand euros. Thing is, in the third week of October, I'm meant to be going on holiday with Chris to France. So, three weeks in France? Not sure my new boss will be too happy with that. Should I just move to France now and be done with it? I don't know what to do.

i'm not home

2009-09-18T16:18:00.003+01:00

This post is pretty much the same as yesterday. I don't think I can be bothered going to university next year. I don't think I'll be able to move to France as Jeanne-Marie hasn't sent me a message back on Facebook and it has been three days. I really don't know what I want to do with my life yet, which is silly because everyone else has. At least I have my job at the Sportsman, which I should be getting around £100 a week for. Could still do better. I'm going to photoshop something or make a short film or something. Actually I'm gonna text Andrew and ask if he's got any more acting work lined up.

Just realised that the background for this blog only works in my laptop resolution: 1280x800. Oops.

the sky turns grey

2009-09-17T19:03:00.004+01:00

I've really got game over at the moment with life. I haven't done much today. Slept in til two, and I'm gonna get a shower then meet up with Chris. That's about it. I watched Stargate: The Ark of Truth, which was quite good. Especially after Unending, which was pretty crap.
I'm stuck in a rut with bass playing. Learning tabs doesn't seem to help any more. I'm stuck at a level of being able to play pretty much all the stuff I want to play. Practising scales doesn't entirely seem to help. I need to get better at writing basslines for our various songs. Oh, the band has slowed down considerably. We don't have anywhere to practice at the moment, which sucks. Karen's gone to uni, which sucks too. This looks so much better in align=justify.

I love how the stuff I read/watch/hear affects my thought process.

United States of Eurasia YA YA YA YA

2009-09-15T14:48:00.005+01:00

I'm forcing myself to listen to the whole album. I can't get over how ridiculous the whole thing is. Parts of it are System of a Down, parts of it are Mika, parts of it are just recycled older stuff. The whole thing is a camper imitation of Queen. Basically, it's terrible. Saying this, it deserves a listen. Because (although the music is, of course, highly skilled), it's just lame. The lyrics are amazingly bad.
(it's wrong, it's wrong) It could be right!
2/10, there you go. Muse plain haven't got it any more. Back to your Italian villa, Matt Bellamy.

Bankrupt on Selling

2009-09-11T14:22:00.001+01:00

I'm not sure what the video is about, but I love this song.

i couldn't remember if i tried

2009-09-11T02:12:00.002+01:00

I've just spent about an hour getting the image to the left to be perfect. It's not perfect.
Radiohead's new song, Harry Patch (in memory of) is affecting me like an emo. It's really sad. Makes me think. I also just realised how amazing Subterranean Homesick Alien really is. There's a lot going on for a song which is mainly in G. I need another band practice. Even though auditioning Jacob as a new guitarist was terrible and embarrasing (17 suddenly seems so young), it was good for the band to practice again. In A And E is coming along nicely. It felt amazing to play Nostalgia again. oh oh oh and click here to listen to our demo, if I haven't already linked it somewhere.
You're all uptight, uptight.

Chris drove me to the McDonald's drive-through, where I paid £2.49 for nine chicken mcnuggets. Appalling. They tasted of cigarettes.

dit pas a ton pere qu'il porte des oeillieres

2009-09-09T03:07:00.004+01:00

Listening to Arcade Fire and that song line (tell your father he's wearing blinders) inspired me to come back to this blog. I'm not sure why I've been away so long.
I have a long list of stuff to write about, so I'll try and get it all down no matter what happens.
Going chronologically would be too efficient for me (the intro to Moby's Hotel album just came on shuffle. Awesome.), so this will probably be in the order that things come to mind.

Tonight, I deleted all the "friends" on Facebook who I either don't know or don't care about. Brilliant. Looks like James Harrison deleted me as a friend first though, screw him then. Finally, I won't have to hear from all those gays from Trinity (literal gays, I mean), constantly updating their bloody statuses and bitching at each other. Get a grip.
Workin' on leavin' the livin' by Modest Mouse just came on. Awesome. In heaven, everything is fine.

So, about two weeks ago, myself and Chris (ex-boyfriend kind of) went to France with my little brother to take him back to my parents. Chris enjoyed himself. So did I, for the most part. This sounds gay, but I got some new clothes and that was probably the highlight. Pull and Bear makes me so happy. Amazingly, they don't pay me to advertise them. For the most part of going to France (we drove there and back, by the way. Don't ask why.), I was a grumpy little bastard. I don't know why. Chris just seemed to be really annoying me. I go through cycles of "hey, he's an alright guy really!" to "whatafuckingcuntwhythefuckdoievenbother" every two weeks. Truthfully, after a year of on-and-off dependence on and support from Chris, I don't know what I'd do without him. This reality I am going to have to (and want to) face when I finally get around to moving back to France.

Cuttooth by Radiohead just came on. Don't think I've even heard this one. Woah. It has lyrics that they recycled for Myxomatosis in there. I don't know why I feel so tongue-tied. I don't know why I feel so skinned alive.

Moving back to France. Montpellier, actually. This is because Jean-Marie (parent's neighbour's daughter) lives there, says I can stay with her, and that there's work over there. I haven't managed to talk to Jean-Marie yet, and she updated her status earlier telling Facebook that she's on the dole. So there's really work over there? right. People keep asking me, if I hated France so much, why do I want to move back there? I lived in a village in the mountains. Montpellier is a city bigger than Carlisle by the coast. Massive nightlife. I want to go and work in a bar there.

Talking of working in a bar, I've just got a job in The Sportsman. It's brilliant. Well, if every day is going to be as good as my first day was. They've given me nine hours so far, and that's already three times as much as Franco's gave me on a Saturday. So yeah, I had to quit Franco's, which was tense. Instead of quitting, though, I offered to still work there. What? No. Why did I say that? I now need to go and pick up a P45 or P46 or something in order to not be taxed over the top at the Sportsman or... something.

Outsiders by Franz Ferdinand. Will you still be Camille Lee, Gellar or whatever, yeah?

I'm not doing bar work at the Sportsman yet, though. That's this Saturday. Should be fun. For now I'm preparing food. Exciting stuff. Just put the Pixies album Doolittle on. Awesome.
Got me a movie, I want you to know!

I am fed up. Part of the deleting Facebook friends thing was because of Becca Farrell. What a two faced bloody whore. We were friends. Very loose friends, mind you. She was always I love you etc etc but it didn't mean anything. She's very superficial. Fake and that. And I'm a better actor than her. Sounds bitchy, but I'm annoyed at her. Basically, as part of her performing arts exam, I had to act with her. Neither of us learnt our lines, and we didn't rehearse. It went terribly. I tried to prompt Becca numerous times while we died completely on camera, but she wasn't capable of rescuing herself from stage fright or whatever. Can you guess her version of this story? She came out of the exam crying, got hugs off everyone, gave me a quick glare, let everyone think I'd messed things up for her, and went back into the exam. Rather than let people think she'd done anything wrong, she let them think it was my fault. It wasn't, by the way. Then, at the prom, she came and sat in my lap and was all "I don't blame you, it was my fault etc." Two days later, I text and ask her if she'd like to go for coffee. No reply. Chris Poskett bumps into her boyfriend in town and Joe tells Chris that, and I quote, "after how Becca looked after Jack when he came back to England, it's not right that he'd refuse to rehearse for her drama exam." Basically, this is the bullshit she's been telling everyone. It's not fair, because people will believe her. Not that I care too much what people think about me. (That's what I try to get people to think about me, that I don't care.) Without wanting to sound too emo or anything, everyone bloody cares how other people feel about them. When someone's spreading believeable lies about you, you can't really do much and it sucks.
One person heard my side of the story first. Eleanor. I was talking to her in Concrete. I've known her since childhood. She said she hadn't heard from Becca, and I told her that I hadn't either. She was shocked, after all, Becca was up until two months ago all ilu towards me. We agreed because Becca has her "perfect" (not in my opinion, clearly) boyfriend, and is off to her uni (DD entry grades, thank you) to do (dead-end) performing arts, she's just cut off anyone she doesn't want. Chris has been going on at me since he met Becca about how fake she is, about how she picks and chooses friends. I knew it was true then, but even more now. If I'm being harsh, and anyone dislikes me slightly more in any way, I don't care. She's made me feel bad about myself, and it's completely injust. The whole affair annoys me.

An underwater guy who controls the sea
Got killed by ten million pounds of sludge from New York and New Jersey.

I've been watching Stargate. I'm up to just past halfway on SG1, and level with that on Atlantis. Aspects of it are terrible. Especially Beau Bridges. Fucking terrible actor.

This monkey's gone to heaven.

Yesterday, after barely getting out of bed, (at about 1PM) I got a call from Andrew Elliot asking if I had a suit. I've come to expect this from Andrew. Half an hour later, I was standing outside Carlisle glass in my suit, wearing a huge, uncomfortable dragon's mask. Got a bottle of red wine out of it which I gave to Chris. Should have demanded payment. Anyway, this Dragon's Den parody is supporting some sort of online campaign encouraging people to grow their own vegetables. Andrew said it was bullshit. Probably is. My parents have seen both Echo and the French horror one. They didn't like the latter, but Echo made my mam cry. Cool. Andrew's doing an MA (which is a master's degree, supposedly), so hopefully there will be more acting work for me out there. Should I ask to be paid, or what? It's experience, yeah, and I'm probably not good enough to do paid work so shut up Jack you bloody diva.

Which reminds me. The amount of fucking stuff I did to try and impress James Harrison. I stopped wearing my digital watch. I obsessed over whiter teeth and trainers (both of which never happened). I lied through my teeth about liking bloody RnB music. I put up with Starbucks, camp Ali, him telling me how he liked some black guy off the internet. Me, bitter? no..
I made a friend, though. James introduced me to Iain. Even though he fancies me when we're drunk, he's genuinely a good person. I need to meet up with him again sometime soon.

This is the thing. The only person that I meet up with now (apart from Chris, we see each other every hour that Chris isn't at work. It's usually a relief when he is.) (oh, and Mathers and Karen. That's band stuff, though.) is John. My first boyfriend. We're good friends now, but he goes to uni in about a week. So does Karen. The band will probably break up then. Remind me to write about the band. Because I have, for the last six months, spent about 70% of being awake with Chris, my friendships with other people have withered away. If he reads this, (or when he reads this), he will say to me "Well if you don't want to hang around with me, why don't you stop!" he doesn't realise how suffocating he is, or how dependant I am on him. It's bloody terrible and I can't stand it and I probably love him. It's like Stockholm Syndrome (probably not as severe). On the occasion that I have tried to cease my relationship with Chris, (we're not officially boyfriend and boyfriend, and haven't been since before Christmas or something.) he has texted me non-stop for days, tried to call me etc. It's a never-ending cycle, but because I have noone else, and because, hey, he's an alright guy really, I'm doing it to myself.

Pretty much, I'm also jealous of people going to university. When they leave, although I will have lost only Karen and John, it will be empty here. I won't be happy. Tom's getting extra help from Sue Jones so he can pass his English Language resits so he can get into Leeds, a course which neither of us quite got the necessary grades for. Where I got BCC, and definitely shouldn't have got into Leeds, Tom got ABC, and deserves to go. I don't. I haven't seen Tom very much since we finished school, which is odd, because we live about a hundred meters apart. I haven't seen much of anyone, really. fuck it all.

shut up your mouth and look where it got you

2009-08-20T13:44:00.001+01:00

English Language
B
C
B
D
B
C
= C

French
A
A
D
B
U
D
= C

Media Studies
A
B
C
B
C
B
= B

General Studies
U
B
D
= D

Brilliant. Didn't get into my first choice (Leeds, BBB) and my second choice sucks (LJMU, CC), so I'm going to go and live in France. Bye.

i don't know what's good for me

2009-08-17T19:00:00.002+01:00

My gran just said "the pepper pot got broke". That's it really.

I had a good day today. This is, before I go to band practice tonight.
I met up with one of my oldest friends, and talked about her feelings. This has never happened. Weird. I felt good about it afterwards though.

two steps on the water

2009-08-14T01:40:00.001+01:00

I haven't really kept in touch with anyone from sixth form, and find myself resenting them whenever they talk to each other on Facebook or whatever. I just want to get away. I also wish my band was just that little bit better. Chris, the drummer, is annoying me to no end. And I have to drive to the south of France with this guy. Foxes, along with Peter Jackson's and Debenhams, is among the list of places I can't really go any more. Oh, the Source as well. Purely because of interpersonal relationships with staff. Bah. I want to leave.

what's he building in there?

2009-08-10T11:01:00.003+01:00

Added things like Tom Waits and Kate Bush to my iPod.

I had a dream last night which worried me so much that I woke up and needed a hug.
Basically, we were in Belcaire. My immediate family and I. We (me and my dad) were looking at the chalet developments around the valley. There were more mountains and more chalets than irl. There was also a path and some sort of oil pipeline (think The World Is Not Enough). We went for a walk up the hill. The pipe was blackened in parts, where youths had set fire to it or something. For any reason, this was not so worrying. As we approached the summit or the mountain, there were stone steps with a handrail. A blond boy with tanned skin, who looked about eight or nine walked down past us, without saying anything. My brother tried to get him to talk, and the rest of us carried on up the hill. Nathan started to get really agitated about the boy not talking, and that's the last I remember of Nathan in this dream. Shortly after this, six or seven boys and girls who looked identical to the first boy walked past us, without talking. This worries us (my parents and me), and then an old woman, strangely similar to these children, walks up to us, tells us something about the children (not entirely sure what), then carries on in the opposite direction.

I think I woke up around here, then drifted back into the dream, as we were suddenly inside a long corridor inside some hospital like building. We continued walking in a straight line, and my dad had disappeared. My mother was clutching at my arm, crying. The haunted figures in the rooms to our right were wailing, begging us to come into the rooms. My mam was tempted but I told her no, and we continued walking. For some reason we both gave in at one point (this is after walking through an indoor war zone, with foreign soldiers fighting each other), and entered a sort of hospital ward/military hospital where some Korean (?) medic stabs us with hypodermic needles. After a few hours of this torture, I somehow grab my mam and get out of there, but somehow she disappears too.

The dream ends when I see a swimming pool to the left. It is full of sad people floating, with old WW1 style mines floating about. The pool room glows red. Two female nurses, one black, one white, in blue uniforms, pin me down in the short corridor before the pool. I can see the long corridor stretching way further than I could have gone. My whole family have failed, and we don't even know why. As I struggle, kicking and thrashing about, the nurses spray me with stinging sort of washing up liquid bottles, the kind with the spray nozzle thing on the end. And that was the end. I'm not sure why all this was so terrifying, but it was.

we'll start the congregation

2009-08-06T17:45:00.000+01:00

I've been awake for about 30 hours. Just saying.
I keep talking to myself without realising. And I keep noticing small things which don't matter.
We're going round to our singer's house tonight to further discuss the future of the band and other stuff. He likes apologising and he's probably an extremely easy person to read. Come on, though. My eyes are heavy and that. I'm meant to be going for a meal, then going to Mather's house to play PS3 and band talk and I'm not going to survive that long. This is killing me. All in pursuit of a decent night's sleep, for once. After that the cycle will start over. See, cycle.

try the best you can

2009-07-31T16:17:00.004+01:00

Shamelessly plugging my demo left, right, and indeed centre. I just discovered the band Television. Where have I been the last thirty years?This poster went up in Rainbow Music this morning. Again, I'm too proud of anything text-based I make with photoshop, and too angry at little things which look slightly wrong. ie, the gap in the middle.

cuyahoga, it's gone

2009-07-28T17:43:00.001+01:00

This is the proper actual image we used for the demo. Printed 50 copies of it out at Staples and everything. I would highly recommend: excellent service, high quality, low cost.

again again again again again

2009-07-27T09:03:00.001+01:00

Demo is finished. Thank God.

we've got arguements and they've got guns

2009-07-24T12:40:00.003+01:00

I watched Children of Men last night. Fucking amazing.
After going for a drink with Iain, I went to the camp guy from the Source's house.
Not great. The demo is taking bloody ages. It will be worth it though, I'm sure!
We're called The Turks now, not Reno. Probably...

If you stand in a circle, you'll all have a back to bite

2009-07-23T09:03:00.003+01:00

Missed opportunity:
Should've asked the hot guy who served me a doughnut for his number. He had blonde hair, kept eye contact, and smiled. Shame he lives like 200 miles away.

On the way back from Alton Towers, Chris's car broke down. We had to wait in the cold and wet, in wet clothes, then get a train from Penrith to Carlisle.

I'm probably sick of Chris now.

As I typed that, I got a text.
I am sorry for been an idiot last night to you. I know it was my fault. You do know I am quite insecure. So I was wondering if would like to do something on friday night.
Bastard. Fucking bastard.

would you just let me know how

2009-07-15T09:00:00.002+01:00

We've been recording our demo for bloody ages. It's painful.
Olive rented us his electronic drum kit for £25. We've finally got all the drums.
Tracks are as follows: (probably)
Nostalgia
Not A Killer
Second Attempt At Flying
The Silence
Amber Light (as a bonus. We've never played this together as a band!)
Untitled Still (bonus bonus. a song which I recorded last night with the singer of our band!)

We also had another little fight with Sawn Off Idol. Basically, they'd switched Chris's kettle lead for one that didn't work, so we took it back. Got a call off Matt, with his faux-American accent, "Look man, I'm not blaming you or anything.."

i will enjoy this silence

2009-07-07T17:08:00.002+01:00

'cause I'm not a killer!
Gig was amazing. We need more songs.
We have both a MySpace and Facebook page now, so I dunno how to get there.
myspace.com/renotheband I think
and for facebook, I think you just have to search for reno
or something. Seems loads of bands have that name, so we probably need another.

Our setlist was:
Not A Killer, with the awesome drum+bass intro
Where Is My Mind? (Pixies cover)
The Silence, which was probably terrible. Couldn't hear anything. My ears felt like they were bleeding.
Psycho Killer (Talking Heads cover)
Nostalgia, which probably was the best song. Couldn't help but smile.
Second Attempt At Flying. I don't like ending with this, because it's too nice and it's a pop song.

Plus, we need a longer setlist next time. Our support act were nice, but not my cup of tea.

true love waits in haunted attics

2009-07-03T14:46:00.002+01:00

Was at open mic at the Source Arts Café last night. People were playing instruments and I felt a bit left out. So I say to Helena, the manager, "How long is it til we're headlining?", meaning my band. She goes, "I'm leaving on Thursday. How does this Saturday sound?"
So we're playing on Saturday. woo.

do you need a lot of what you got to survive

2009-07-01T11:17:00.001+01:00

I feel weak from hunger and I'm finding it hard to make myself something to eat.
Oh, this life is hard.

i just wanna know you're alright

2009-06-30T11:12:00.003+01:00

Just went into the pub next door and asked for a job. I've never felt so brave.
Actually. When I got £200 out at a cash machine in Denton Holme (at like, 2PM) to pay for a new amp, with all those chavs about...
There were about five old men in the Thistle. I said to one of them, "Is Fly about?" Fly being the owner. The man replied in the affirmative. Fly appeared after a few seconds. I inquired about work. He told me two students who had returned from uni had taken the only available hours. Bloody students.

I only get three hours a week at Franco's, despite asking constantly for more.
I considered asking for a job in Simply Drinks, but they've taken the help wanted sign down.
I need to try harder. This is someone who would like various film equipment, or a mac with final cut. If my band gets more gigs, we could make probably a fiver each every fortnight...

mysterons

2009-06-26T14:36:00.000+01:00

I've just discovered Portishead.
Oh, and I want to play with my band again really badly.
We're still called Reno.

i need this place to reminisce

2009-06-26T01:14:00.000+01:00

Source was fucking awesome. Going back next week. I feel like a bassist.
It stank a bit of cheese though. Not great.
Some ginger cunt attacked one of my friends, so we're leaving the practice room.

you can't take the sky from me, since i found serenity

2009-06-24T14:17:00.003+01:00

Pretty much watched all of Firefly. I can't believe how good it is. It's a hybrid of western and sci-fi, and it's really well done. I also can't believe it was cancelled after 14 episodes. In the words of Editorial Writing Pack #1 (Twin Peaks) June 2009, "We all know great TV doesn't last too long."

Also. Work won't give me any more hours, so I'm stuck inside with nothing to do.
I'm thinking film project.

Oh, and, I'm playing at the Source tomorrow night. If all goes well, we become a regular house band. Fucking awesome.

---------------------------------------------antistar

2009-06-22T11:22:00.008+01:00

That would be a better name for our band than Reno. We were actually embarrassed to say it last night. After some getting lost in the countryside, we turned up to a barbecue at a farm, which we'd assumed was full of people from Trinity. It wasn't. So we covered a few terrible songs (that one by Feeder about a CD player, [sexually ab]Use Somebody by the Kings of Leon). Damn I hate those bands. That seemed to be the mood of the night, really. We left when it got too cold. We need a proper gig. I might be buying a decent amp, at last. Chris needs a proper drum kit though. And we need our own practice room. Did I mention that Sawn-Off Idol are a bunch of children? (Family members excluded, of course).

By the way, the guy in the pink, and the guy in the yellow were just trying to play instruments. Our drummer was being useless and said he couldn't play bongo drums.

she was talking with a silver lisp

2009-06-20T17:39:00.001+01:00

Prom was meh. The "Bulldog's", the DJs with the annoyingly misplaced apostrophe, were old men who think cheap dance music is what the kids like nowadays.
Went to Walkabout with some people I don't really care for, then lost them all. Then waited with some people outside Lloyds, before going to Concrete.
As I got there, Bohemian Like You by The Dandy Warhols came on. I fucking danced and danced and danced. Good night.

holland, 1945

2009-06-18T16:49:00.001+01:00

Finished school.
What now?

psycho killer, qu'est-ce que c'est?

2009-06-16T14:19:00.005+01:00

French is such a complicated language.
qu'est-ce is pronounced kess
que is pronounced kuh
c'est is pronounced say
Honestly.

I had a film idea while in town this morning, so I wrote it down on a bus ticket.
It's a shame my camera is shit. I need both a mac and a HD camera if I'm going to succeed in life.
My two plot lines, which will be edited together, are these:
1. Four older women, around their 60s, chatting around a table, drinking coffee. Lots of possibilities, probably a darker, serious sex and the city type thing. Postmodernism and that.
2. Four male students who share a flat. But one of them is just pretending to be a student, and is really just sponging off the rest, using their cheque books, etc. It's not the end of the world, this came from our debate about the "high stakes" nowadays. £2000, is that much worth dying for?

we're always looking at a different picture

2009-06-14T22:31:00.005+01:00

Ben: The Gucci ad. I can't believe how many times I've seen it and not known it was him! The Blondie music works perfectly. I think it looks pretty much like drugs.
Echo, that short film, is entirely clichéd. It's not amazing. They said they were doing a longer version, but I still have no lines. My talent is wasted!
http://www.youngfilm-makers.coop/
I saw a misprinted link in the News and Star about this, so it's unlikely that any other Cumbrians will enter! Not sure how relevant it is, but perhaps worth checking out.

Started watching Twin Peaks and Firefly.
Oh, and I went "grumpy" on my exishboyfriend again. Awesome.
And. Toulouse is actually a lot closer to my parent's village than I thought: it only takes one and a half hours to drive there, and there's a train from Toulouse to Ax-Les-Thermes, which is only half an hour from my parents. Brilliant. The end is within my grasp!

inertia creeps, moving up slowly

2009-06-13T18:15:00.001+01:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Alo2pAf2bGU
This advert always worried me a bit, now I know why:
David Lynch.

crawling through, alleyways and hallways

2009-06-12T12:02:00.002+01:00

I'm back in to Massive Attack.
I have loads of spots because I've been eating quite badly recently, something which needs to stop.
I'm reading a book. Debatable Space. It's amazing.
I watched half a film, Inland Empire. I can't believe how creepy that film is. Something about David Lynch. I just did an exam on Twin Peaks, too. Question 1.
I need more music on my iPod. I just downloaded The Eraser by Thom Yorke again, that album is fantastic. There's something strangely similar about all these sentences. This is what two and half hour exams do to you.
I'm worried what's going to happen to me when I finish my exams. This is next Thursday. Have I outstayed my welcome?

sometimes i'm angry that i feel so angry

2009-06-08T16:48:00.000+01:00

www.virginmediashorts.co.uk/films/film/echo/
Some quality acting right there.